Sex is a subject that can trigger many complicated feelings. Even the most sexually open people can feel confused and insecure when they think about the exciting erotic images we know as sexual fantasies. The ones we conjure up in our heads and silently dream about. Some of them are fulfilled by many!
You think your thoughts are deviant. But it's very likely that even your most taboo fantasies are completely normal and healthy. In fact, many studies show that those who have sexual fantasies experience less anxiety and a better sense of self-esteem. So, sexual fantasizing is something healthy and completely normal!
Dreaming about sex is completely normal. But if we can share this with our partner, it can even help enrich the relationship. Just make sure that you and your partner establish consent and "healthy" boundaries and follow all norms regarding nudity and sex in public, so that you don't accidentally get into trouble. Even if your sexual fantasy involves having sex in a public place.
Below you will find examples of some of the most common fantasies that people experience. If you recognize yourself in them, you are completely average and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!
1. Sex with multiple partners - group sex
Polygamy includes having sex with multiple partners of the same or different sexes. Sex with three partners can be called a threesome, and if it involves more than one partner, it can be called an orgy. An interesting 2017 study published in the “Sexual Behavior Archives” involving 274 Canadian university students found that 64% of the participants were interested in and would try polygamous sex.
Another study, published in the journal "Personality and Individual Differences", in which 788 British adults participated, showed that men fantasize more about group sex. Male study participants were more likely to fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. Meanwhile, women's fantasies more often included same-sex partners and individuals known to them, including marital partners.
So group sex is not taboo. More than half of humanity quietly fantasizes about him.
2. Dominant or rough sex
Rough sex is a sexual act that is aggressive, animalistic and can be a bit violent. It is often presented as more passionate than other types of sex. Although rough is not inherently dangerous or violent, it is extremely attractive to some. Some people just like it.
BDSM, which as an acronym covers most rough sex; discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. Of course, it includes many different deviations, which are often considered atypical sexual practices. Dominant or submissive gender often involves a consensual assumption and relinquishment of power between those involved. This can include partner binding, hitting, and a whole host of other behaviors. Which, of course, suit the recipient, or rather, he wants them. Before this type of sexual intercourse, the partners set behavioral boundaries and agree on a "safe" word when the game ends.
Some people are aroused by mild restraint, while others are aroused by severe physical pain.
Psychological role-playing—for example, between a teacher and a student or a boss and an employee—can also be considered BDSM, as it involves an exchange of power between the partners. Someone plays a dominant role, while the other is in a subordinate position.
Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist whose research focuses on sexuality, discovered that this fantasy is very popular when he was doing research for his book on sexual desire called "Tell Me What You Want." Through his research, he surveyed more than 4,000 Americans and found that 93% women and 81% men had dreams of sexual submission. On the other hand, 85% men and 76% women dreamed of sexual dominance.
That's also why this sexual fantasy is not at all strange, and it's not surprising that in your sexual life you will come across someone who will at least slightly desire sexual dominance or submission. So that you dare to ask your partner what he wants quietly!
3. Voyeurism and exhibitionism
Voyeurism is the arousal caused by observing an unsuspecting person or couple during an intimate sexual act. A 1991 study found that 54% men have voyeuristic fantasies. Many other surveys have confirmed that people like to observe, or that more than 50 percent of all respondents would do so if they had the opportunity. After all, this is extremely well exploited by the adult industry, which is also extremely profitable on this account.
Exhibitionism is at the other end of voyeurism. So it is an act of strongly sexually arousing someone by showing off or being observed having sex. It is interesting that women who often fantasize about sex in front of others are also prone to this. In other words, they have the idea that they are being observed close by.
Sex in public is another popular fantasy that can fall under exhibitionism. In Lehmiller's research, they concluded that 81% men and 84% women were aroused by the idea of sex in a public place.
If there's an exhibitionist in you or you just like to observe, this is absolutely not a deviant sexual fantasy. Basically, you are completely normal.
4. Role playing and cosplay
Despite their similar names, role-playing and cosplay are two different fantasies:
- Role-playing is the assumption of another identity. So someone takes on a role or profession. The situation itself is sexually exciting for the individual. Dominance or submissiveness is often involved.
- Cosplay is the act of dressing up as someone or something, often a role from a book, movie, or video game. It's not inherently sexual, but some people like to put on a character during sex. Unfortunately, there hasn't been much research on the topic of sexual role play or cosplay.
5. Romantic sex
Romantic sex is different from many fantasies because there is no set definition - what is romantic for one person.
In theory, any kind of sex can be romantic. Romantic sex is “… a sexual relationship in which there is an emotional and erotic connection. It can be long, slow and sensual, it can be tantric sex, it can include some BDSM, says Deborah Fox, clinical social worker and certified sex therapist.
Tantric sex is slow and does not focus its final goal only on orgasm. Instead, it aims to focus on the whole sexual experience and all the feelings that this kind of sexuality brings.
dr. Lehmiller reports that romantic sexual fantasies are more popular among younger respondents to his survey. It also found that 91% men, 88% women, and 87% gay and bisexual men and women fantasize about their current romantic partner.
This can somehow be described as romantic.
6. Homoeroticism
Homoeroticism is a fantasy that involves sexual relations with members of the same sex. People who identify as heterosexual and not just homosexual can also – and often do – experience this.
In fact, a 2019 paper published in “Social Forces” shows that 3.6% to 4.1% men and 7.6% to 9.5% women report some degree of same-sex sexual or romantic attraction.
dr. Fox thinks of sexuality as a spectrum or a bell curve. On one tail, the curve is perfectly straight, and on the other, a tail. Most people place themselves somewhere in the middle.
"People can identify as heterosexual, but they can still dream about or even engage in same-sex sexual acts," says Fox. Thus, some heterosexuals occasionally have sexual relations with a person of the same sex... but this does not mean a break for their gender identity! Such men will still live their lives with their partners, and so will women who find themselves in a lesbian relationship.
