If you've ever been in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They withdraw, make excuses, or are simply unresponsive when it comes to talking about feelings or a relationship.
Some people use anger, criticism, ignorance, or some other activity to create distance from you. You end up feeling alone, depressed, insignificant or rejected.
Usually, women complain about emotionally unavailable men. Yet many people don't realize that they are emotionally unavailable.
There are several types of inaccessibility – both temporary and chronic. Some people are not accessible because of mental illness and/or troubled childhoods. Others due to family obligations, education... Even people who have recently been divorced or widowed are not emotionally available. There are also those who are afraid to fall in love because they were hurt by one or more people, or because they experienced trauma in their childhood.
Often these different reasons for inaccessibility overlap and it is difficult to determine whether the problem is chronic or will pass.
If you are looking for a close, committed relationship, a person who lives in another country or is married or still in love with someone else is not the right person for you. Also workaholics because their addiction takes precedence over you and controls them.
It's only when you're in a relationship with them that you realize if they can emotionally surrender.
Below is a list of subtle signs (applies to both sexes) that can indicate emotional unavailability, especially if you can attribute several of them to someone.
1. Flirting with flattery
Some unattainable people are too flattering. They are skilled listeners and communicators. They are often good at short-term intimacy. They prefer the hunt to the catch.
2. Control
This is someone who is uncomfortable changing their routine. They are inflexible and do not want to make compromises. Relationships only revolve around them.
3. Disclosure
He admits that he is not good at relationships, or that he is not ready for marriage. Listen to these negative facts and believe them. Ignore vulnerability, bragging and praise.
4. The past
Find out if the person has been in a long-term relationship before and why it ended.
5. Seekers of perfection
These people look for and find a fatal flaw in the opposite sex and then move on. The problem is that they are afraid of intimacy. When they can't find the imperfection, their anxiety grows. Given time, they will find an excuse to end the relationship. Don't be tempted to believe that you are better than their past partners.
6. Anger
Notice rudeness to waiters and other people, this can reveal pent-up rage. This type of person is demanding and probably emotionally abusive.
7. Arrogance
Avoid a person who only brags and reacts too quickly, this shows low self-esteem. It takes confidence to be intimate and committed.
8. Delay
Chronic delay is significant and may also indicate that the person is avoiding relationships.
9. Invasiveness
Inappropriate questions about money or sex can indicate hidden agendas and an unwillingness to let the relationship work. Conversely, someone may hide their past out of shame, which can hinder rapprochement.
10. Seduction
Beware of premature sexual innuendos. Seducers avoid authenticity because they don't believe they are enough to keep a partner. When the relationship is real, they will sabotage it. Seduction is a game of power and conquest.
Most people reveal their emotional availability early on. Pay attention to the facts, especially if there is mutual attraction.
