"There are three types of egoists: egoists who live alone and let others live; egoists who live alone but do not let others live; and finally egoists who neither live themselves nor let others live." - Ivan Sergeyevich Turgenev
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a narcissist or a manipulative, toxic person knows that their words have a completely different meaning than other people's words.
Psychologist Carrie Barron MD notes: "Narcissists secretly suffer from low self-esteem or insecurity. Recent findings suggest that they look forward to successful manipulations. Dropping unsuspecting, soft souls into their midst is their sport. They truly believe in their superiority, even when objective evidence does not support it.”
Deciphering a narcissist's language requires listening to their actions more than their words.
Here are 12 common phrases that narcissists use and what they mean.
1. "I love you."
Translation: I love owning you. I like controlling you. I like to take advantage of you. I feel great when I shower you with sweet words. When I pull you into my clutches and throw you away whenever I want. When I flatter you, I can get everything I want from you. You trust me. You open up to me so easily, even if you've been hurt before. When you fall into my trap, I will drag you down with me. I'll crawl under your skin and knock the floor out from under your feet just so I can watch you fall.
2. "I'm sorry you feel that way."
Translation: I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. Let's end this bickering so I can continue my violent behavior in peace. I'm not sorry I did what I did, I'm just sorry I got caught. I'm sorry to be responsible. I'm sorry you have the feelings you have. They don't apply to me because I have the right to have whatever I want - regardless of how you think or feel about it.
3. "You are oversensitive/overreacting."
Translation: You're having a perfectly normal reaction to the situation, but all I can see is that you're out to get me. Let me encourage you to doubt yourself a little more. To become an emotional invalid. Until you trust yourself, you will accept or minimize and deny my abuse. While you work so hard to please me, I reap all the benefits, with no consequences for my behavior.
4. "You are crazy!"
Translation: I am a master of creating chaos, I enjoy provoking you. I love it when you react. So I can point the finger at you and say you're crazy. After all, no one will listen to what you have to say about me if they think you're fluid and unstable. Forget the fact that I'm the one who gets really angry and unreasonable when someone threatens my sense of superiority.
5. “My exes are crazy.”
Translation: They're crazy about me. I made them like this. It was so much fun! All I had to do was provoke them until I got their reaction. When I did, I later used all of this against them to show everyone how impatient and crazy they were. Soon you too will be a "crazy ex".
6. “He/she is just a friend.”
Translation: I keep this person as a backup, for when I get bored. He can replace you if you leave. In fact, I may already be working on it. If you complain about my behavior and association with this person, I will make it appear that you are the one who wants to control me.
7. "You're so jealous and insecure."
Translation: Oh my god, this love triangle is fun. I love the way you compete for my attention. It makes me feel wanted and powerful when I flirt with others in front of you. It's fun to create insecurity in you when I point out flaws that don't exist or wounds that already exist. The more inferior you feel, the less likely you are to try to escape my grasp. The truth is, everything you suspect—the flirting, the affairs—is true. But let me warn you - I am entitled to everything.
8. "You have trust issues."
Translation: I am an unreliable person, which I show by the fact that I betray you again and again from time to time, I disappoint you. Your instinct is right, but it will be a cold day in hell if I ever admit it. The best thing you can do is trust yourself and run. Now, immediately run in the other direction - which, of course, would be much less fun for me.
9. "It's not always just about you."
Translation: In reality, it's always about me, me, me. If you ever focus on your needs, I'll make sure you focus on me. I will make you feel ashamed, guilty... How dare you put your needs before mine? I will never be able to fulfill your needs. I just don't have the emotional equipment for it - nor do I want to, as it takes the focus away from the person who really matters - me.
10. "Why can't we stay friends?"
Translation: I really don't like losing members of my harem. I'd rather keep you somewhere in case I need you in the future when no one else is around. Besides, collecting exes is my hobby. So I always have someone to turn to when I'm bored.
11. "No one will believe you."
Translation: I have isolated you to the point where you feel like you have no support anywhere. I smeared your name with others so they wouldn't believe your lies. They won't believe you - especially those who still think I'm an amazing person. There are still others who can believe you and I can't risk being caught. You will feel abandoned, alone. For me, this is the best way to protect my image and to convince you to keep quiet and never tell the truth about who I really am.
12. "You'll never find someone like me"
Translation: If you never find someone like me, that's a good thing. There are empathetic people out there who will treat you much better than I ever did. I don't want you to find these people or them to find you. I don't want you to discover your true worth. I'd rather you miss me.
