"The great challenge of life is to overcome the limits within yourself, to push them to where you would never have thought possible." - Sergio Bambaren
When you don't love yourself, you don't have confidence, you don't feel safe and at the end of the day you're unhappy. You know you need to start giving yourself more love, but you don't know how.
Here are 10 steps for your journey to self-love.
1. Forget that you are a perfectionist
You can never become perfect no matter how hard you try. Stop expecting to be the best at everything you do. In fact, there is no such thing as perfection. We all have our flaws. What does it mean to be perfect?
Do you and any other person in this world have the exact same vision of perfection? No.
The thing is, you need to stop wasting your precious energies trying to achieve something that is unattainable. Instead of focusing on the bad decisions, focus on all the things you did well. Stop looking for your faults and start seeing yourself as someone who is worthy of everyone's admiration.
2. Accepting yourself
Do you know who you really are? What are the parts that you truly feel are yours? What qualities do others impose on you but you've never actually embraced? Who are you and who do you want to be? How do you see yourself? Are you the person you wanted to become? Are you the kind of person you would want to be if it were all up to you?
It really all depends on you. In fact, you are the only person who has to accept all your qualities and flaws. Practicing self-love means accepting yourself without denying any part of your personality.
Remember not wearing a hat just because your partner doesn't like it? It's about time you stop pretending to be someone you're not. Dig deep within yourself and find that girl or boy you once were. Love your imperfections as much as you love your good sides. Why? Because they all form one amazing person – you.
Remember: you are unique. No one is like you, so why not love each other for your idiosyncrasies?
3. Forget about company validation
Don't compare yourself to others. You will never please everyone around you, so stop trying. If your parents, partner, whoever doesn't see you as good enough, they will never appreciate you or see your worth, no matter how much effort you put into changing their opinion.
The bottom line is that no matter what you do, there will always be someone who tells you that you should do things differently. The truth is, you can spend your whole life worrying about other people's opinions, but even then you won't change them and you won't succeed in making everyone love you.
The first thing you should do if you are going to forget society's unrealistic expectations is to get rid of all your social media accounts. If that's impossible, at least understand that almost everything on Facebook and Instagram is fake.
You open a news feed and automatically get the impression that all your friends are better at the game called life. Everyone seems to have graduated, started a family, has a happy love life, etc., everyone except you. Everyone is traveling, hitting the gym, losing weight and living their best life - everyone but you.
Of course, when you compare yourself to others, you see yourself as your biggest failure. Do you know why? Because you are constantly limiting yourself to what is expected of you. You ignore your desires; but you are trying to meet society's standards.
Who told you that there is a certain age by which you have to have a permanent job? Who says you have to get married? That's right, nobody. So, forget this nonsense and live your life the way you want. Ultimately, the goal is to make yourself happy, not society.
4. Be grateful
What is the key to happiness? No one can give you a concrete answer to this question, but gratitude is one of the most important ways to get there. The happiest people are grateful for everything they have. After all, no one has everything, so you have to embrace gratitude. Once you do this, you will love your life more.
Most of the time you are focused on the bad things around you. For a change, try looking at things from a different perspective. Maybe you're not happy with your current career choice, but you have a job, right? This does not mean that you should stay in your comfort zone for the rest of your life, or that you should give up personal development, and not follow your dreams or stop striving for greater things.
No way, just stop focusing so much on the things you want to change and instead be grateful for what you have.
Be thankful to be alive and be thankful to be healthy. You are surrounded by those who care about you and no matter what happens, tomorrow is always a new day. Believe me, this alone is much more than many people can even dream of.
5. Change your self-image
Why don't you like each other? Why do you think badly of yourself? You feel like no one likes you. You are convinced that you are not worthy of anyone's love. Your inner voice tells you that you are not attractive, smart, intelligent or interesting enough for someone to love you.
If you want to change your negative emotions, you need to change your self-image. You need to improve your self-esteem and remember that you are truly worthy and valuable. Wouldn't it be perfect if you could push a button and start seeing yourself in a different light? It's not all that easy - this change takes time. It requires you to break out of the box you've been hiding in and eventually begin to see and love all of your qualities.
Start journaling. Every night before you go to bed, write down at least five things that made you proud of yourself that day. Write down five good things you did that day or good decisions you made. Whatever. Also, give yourself a few compliments and write them down as well.
The list is endless. At first it will be difficult to remember the five good things. Eventually, however, you will even begin to increase the number of compliments and praises you give yourself.
So, the next time you feel like you don't like each other or not enough as you should, just look at your self love journal, read all the wonderful things you've done these days and give yourself some praise.
Your self-image will begin to change without you even noticing. Your confidence will skyrocket and self-love will follow.
6. Cut out toxic people
It is impossible to take proper care of yourself if you are surrounded by hate, pessimism and negative thoughts and people. Cut off anyone who doesn't mean well to you. Whether these toxic people are your family or friends you've known your whole life, if they're not sending you positivity, it's time for them to go. Get rid of everyone who doesn't really love you.
You are going through a sensitive time now and are easily influenced by other people's opinions and impressions of you. It's actually quite simple; if you surround yourself with people who think badly of you, you will accept their opinions. If you surround yourself with those who constantly send you the message that you are not meant for love, you will begin to consider yourself unworthy of love.
On the other hand, if you are constantly in the company of people who see your value, you will begin to believe in it. If you are in the company of those who value you very much, after a while you will begin to see yourself through their eyes as well.
7. Take care of yourself
You are a great friend, colleague or brother or sister and an even better son or daughter. You are always full of understanding about everything your loved ones do, you put a lot of effort into making them happier and you do everything in your power to help them when they need it. That's an amazing trait, but what exactly is stopping you from treating yourself the same way?
Why do you engage in so much self-criticism, self-hatred, and self-doubt? Why aren't you like that when it comes to others? If you are honest, you will admit that you treat everyone else around you better than you treat yourself. Why is that? Does that mean you prefer them to yourself?
Imagine that you are your own best friend. What would you say to that friend if he came to you and told you he didn't like himself? What would you tell them if they made a mistake? Would you blame them for failing or give them the reassurance they desperately need? What would you say to them if you were going through a breakup? Would you tell them that they are not worthy and that they do not deserve love? Would you tell them that they are better off being single than staying in a toxic relationship?
8. Love your body
You can't love your mind and emotions if you don't also love the physical part of you. No matter how you feel about it, your body is a part of you. You start loving your body, accepting all your physical flaws, just as you should do with any personality traits you don't like.
You can have all the plastic surgery and cosmetic treatments in the world, but if you don't learn to be happy in your own skin, you'll keep finding new flaws that no one even noticed. Your nose will always be too big, your mouth too small and your teeth never white enough. Loving your body means accepting it instead of changing it.
Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything about the things you don't like that can be easily changed. For example, if you're bothered by the extra fat you've gained on your belly, start exercising. However, before doing so, ask yourself: "Am I the one who can't bear to see these extra pounds on me, or do I want to get rid of them to be more likable to others?"
9. Be selfish
Being self-centered is a negative trait. Everyone applauds the kind and empathetic. However, there is a fine line between kindness and stupidity. Of course, your loved ones are important to you. However, this does not mean that you allow them to do or treat you however they want.
Their needs and wants can never be more important than yours. They cannot be more important to you than you are. Instead, you need to ask yourself how to love yourself first. No, it's not a toxic trait, it's the way we should all behave.
You put yourself first and everyone else comes second. Your mental health, energy and emotions are what you should be most concerned about. Stop feeling guilty about not being available 24/7.
Remember: all relationships in your life can come and go. However, the one relationship you can never escape is the one you have with yourself. Nurturing this relationship is nowhere near selfish. Self-care is not selfish. If you love yourself more than others, you are certainly not selfish.
10. Let go of control
Like it or not, the truth is that not everything is in your hands. You have no control over other people's behavior. In fact, even in most cases, you have no control over the things that happen to you and you have no control over your life.
The only thing you can control is your reactions to events. You don't get to choose whether people will betray you or leave you behind. But nevertheless, you can choose the way of observing this situation.
Are you going to blame yourself and hate yourself for everything that happened? Or will you accept the situation as it is and invest your energy in self-healing? It all depends on you!
The most important step in this process is – go slow. How many years have you hated each other? How long has it been since you paid yourself a compliment? How much time have you spent reducing your self-worth? Do you really think that everything can be changed overnight?
Don't expect magical changes. Take baby steps. Change after change, step by step on the way - to self-love! Be proud of yourself and all that you have achieved.
