Are they prone to it or did it just "happen"? Can every man cheat on his partner?
Men who cheat can be incredibly creative when trying to explain why they cheat. Sometimes they say their behavior doesn't really count as cheating because it didn't involve actual sex. Sometimes they blame others for their decision - spouse, boss and even another woman. All of these reasons mean that cheating was the only logical solution to their relationship and problems.
Men, how about actually talking to your partner about how you feel and how you can create a more fulfilling relationship together? Wouldn't that be better than lying, manipulating and hiding?
But most men do not have such a view. When faced with a problem, they minimize, rationalize and justify their behavior with statements such as:
"Every man wants to have sex with other women. And when an opportunity arises, take it.”
"The biological imperative of a man is to have sexual relations with as many women as possible. Why should it be any different?”
"If I had enough (or better) sex at home, I wouldn't have to cheat."
"I don't do anything that most of my friends don't do. If you don't believe me, ask them."
"If my wife hadn't gained so much weight, or if she'd been more attentive to me, I wouldn't have even thought of going anywhere else."
"It's just sexting and flirting. I don't date any of these women personally. It's just a game.”
These men will insist that their arguments are sound. Of course, the question arises as to why! Why do men really cheat? And why do they sometimes cheat even after being caught, regardless of the consequences, such as divorce, loss of parental contact, loss of social status, and the like?
In general, their selection is guided by one or more of the following factors.
1. Immaturity
If he doesn't have much experience in relationships, or if he doesn't understand that his actions will inevitably have consequences, he may find it okay to have sexual adventures outside of the relationship. You thought of your commitment to monogamy as if it were a jacket that you could put on or take off as and when you wanted, depending on the circumstances.
2. Simultaneous problems
He may have ongoing problems with alcohol and drugs that affect his decision-making, resulting in regrettable sexual choices. Or maybe he has a problem like sex addiction, which means he compulsively engages in sexual fantasies and behaviors as a way to numb and escape life.
3. Uncertainty
He may feel that he is too old (or too young), not handsome enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, etc. Cheating is also at least partially related to men's midlife crisis. In order to boost their ego, they seek validation from others because they want to feel wanted, desirable and worthy.
4. It's Over, Version 1
He may want to end his current relationship. Instead of just telling his partner that he is unhappy and wants to end things, he cheats on her and then forces her to do the dirty work.(so that she ends the relationship)
5. It's Over, Version 2
He may want to end his current relationship, but not until he has already created a new one. He's laying the groundwork for his next relationship while he's still in his first.
6. Lack of male support
He may have underestimated his need for supportive friendships with other men, expecting his social and emotional needs to be fully met by his female partner. And when she fails to do so, she looks for fulfillment elsewhere.
7. Confusion about commitment
He may misunderstand the difference between romantic intensity and long-term love. He mistook infatuation for love. And he doesn't know that in healthy, long-term relationships, this is eventually replaced by less intense, but ultimately more meaningful forms of connection.
8. Child abuse
He may be re-reacting or reacting latently to unresolved childhood trauma - neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. Maybe he's using cheating to self-soothe the pain of those old, unhealed wounds.
9. Selfishness
It is possible that his main focus is - him. So he can lie and hide without remorse or guilt as long as it gets him what he wants. It's possible he never intended to be monogamous.
10. Complacency
He may feel that he is different and deserves something special that other men may not. The normal rules just don't apply to him, so he's free to reward himself outside of his primary relationship whenever he wants.
11. A sudden impulse
Maybe he never even thought about cheating until the opportunity suddenly presented itself. Then, without even thinking about what his relationship could do for his relationship, he indulged.
12. Unrealistic expectations
He may feel that his partner should fulfill his every whim and desire, sexual and otherwise, 24/7, regardless of how he feels at any given moment. He doesn't understand that she too has her own life, her own thoughts and feelings and needs that don't always include him. When his expectations are not met, he looks for external fulfillment.
13. Anger, revenge
Maybe he's cheating to get revenge. He is angry with his partner and wants to hurt her. In such cases, she should have seen the infidelity and known the person. A man does not try to lie or hide his cheating because he wants his partner to know about it.
For most men, just one factor does not lead to the decision to cheat. And sometimes a man's reasons for infidelity change as his life circumstances change. Regardless of his true reasons for cheating, he didn't have to. There are always other options: couples therapy, communication, being honest with your spouse, and working to improve the relationship or divorce.
A man always has a choice that does not involve the humiliation and potential destruction of his integrity and the life he and his partner have created.
