Are you ready to take the leap into marriage?
If you're in a long-term relationship and planning to get married, or even if you don't have a partner yet, it's good to know some facts about relationships and marriage so you know what to expect from a relationship and how to approach it.
Read research on relationships, what makes them stronger and what weakens them, and what predicts long-term success versus breakup or divorce.
1. Waiting until you're 23 makes you less likely to get divorced
A study of the University of North Carolina showed that women who marry at age 18 have a 60 percent chance of divorce, while women who wait until age 23 have about a 30 percent chance of divorce. The longer couples wait for the first serious commitment (cohabitation or marriage), the greater the chances of marital success, reports The Atlantic.
2. The infatuation phase lasts about a year
The infatuation phase doesn't last forever. According to research of the Italian University of Pavia takes about a year. After that, the levels of chemicals associated with intense romantic feelings begin to decline.
Helen Fisher, psychologist and relationship expert she said it's not clear when exactly the feeling of being in love starts to fade, but it does "for good evolutionary reasons, as it can be very taxing on the body to devote so much time to just one person in this state of high anxiety".
3. Two people can be compatible (or incompatible) on many levels
Already in the 1950s and 1960s, psychologist Eric Berne introduced three-layer model to understand a person's identity.
He found that each of us operates simultaneously with three levels of ego.
1. Parenting Level: What We've Been Taught
2. Child level: what we felt
3. Adult Level: What We've Learned
When you're in a relationship, you connect with your partner on each of these levels.
1. Parental level: do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?
2. Child level: Have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you find your partner attractive? Do you like to travel together?
3. Adult Level: Think you're both smart? Can you solve problems together?
Although symmetry between all three is ideal, people often find themselves together to balance each other out.
4. The happiest marriage is between best friends
A study A study by the US National Bureau of Economic Research showed that marriage does indeed increase well-being, mostly thanks to friendship.
Couples who are also friends benefit the most. Friendship is actually a key mechanism that could explain the causal relationship between marriage and life satisfaction.
5. The closer the partners are in age, the less likely they are to divorce
Research among 3,000 people who were married showed that age differences correlated with marital discord. Megan Garber of The Atlantic claims: "The study showed that a one-year difference in the age of a couple has a 3 percent higher probability of divorce (compared to couples of the same age). Because of a 5-year difference, divorce is 18 percent more likely, and with a 10-year difference, this probability is already 39 percent."
6. If you are excited about your partner's good news, you will have a better relationship
In several studies couples who actively celebrated the good news (instead of actively or passively rejecting it) had higher levels of relationship well-being.
Suppose a wife goes home to her partner and shares her achievements with him. Amie Gordon, social psychologist from the University of California argues that the best answer for this would be an active-constructive one.
Active-constructive response the partner is actually an enthusiastic supporter: "This is great! I knew you could do it. You worked so hard.”
Passive-constructive response would be understated support, a warm smile and words like: "This is good news".
Active-destructive response would be a statement disparaging the event: "Does this mean that you will work longer now? Are you sure you can handle this?”
Finally, it would passive-destructive response almost ignored the good news: “Oh, really? Well, you won't believe what happened to me today on the way home!”
7. Resentment occurs more quickly in couples who do not do household chores together
More than 60 percent of respondents are in one of the research stated that taking care of household chores plays a key role in a successful marriage. A system in which each person does the work they are best at is recommended.
8. We have higher standards for marriage than ever before
Psychologist Eli Finkel found that the marriage went through three stages:
- institutional marriage;
- marriage (1851 to 1965);
- self-expression of marriage (from 1965 onwards).
Before 1850, couples reported to each other for food, shelter and protection. Back then, people had more free time due to the Industrial Revolution, Finkel says, so they began to seek companionship with their partners. The 1960s brought a longing for personal fulfillment through relationships, something we still strive for today.
9. If you move to test a relationship, you're probably not that sure about it
Most couples moved in together for good reasons, not just to test the relationship. But those who did so to see if they could live together experienced a range of negative emotions, a US study found. For example, among those who tested the relationship in this way, men scored higher on levels of depression and anxiety, while women scored higher on abandonment. Both groups were less confident about the relationship.
On Psychology Today, one of the study's authors explains what these findings might mean: "It seems to us that many people who are thinking about trying a cohabiting relationship already know in some way what the result of this test is, but they hope that this will change."
10. If you are financially dependent on your spouse, you are more likely to cheat on them
There is a correlation between income and infidelity. Research The University of Connecticut shows that a person who is financially dependent on a spouse is more likely to be unfaithful - and this is especially true for a man who is financially dependent on a woman.
It is also interesting that women who are financially better off than their husbands are less likely to cheat. Whereas men who earn more are more likely to cheat.
11. We think everyone but our partner is cheating
You can't trust anyone but your chosen one, can you? A study A 2015 University of Calgary study found that heterosexual people think the opposite sex has about a 40 percent chance of cheating on their partner. But the same participants said their own partner only had a five percent chance of cheating. A bit of a contradiction, isn't it?
12. Couples who appreciate each other are more likely to stay together
Gratitude may be the key and secret to the success of lasting relationships. In one study from the University of North Carolina, researchers told participants to keep private diaries in which they would record the things their partner did for them and how they felt about them. As it turned out, couples who were more grateful claimed that their relationship was stronger.
And also the second series studies, led by a researcher from the University of California, showed that the greater the gratitude, the more likely couples are to stay together.
13. Learn to embrace differences
When you start living together, you may find that you have different priorities and tolerance levels, such as what is and isn't a mess. People have to come to terms with the fact that we are different, he says Ellyn Bader, couples therapist. "We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests," asserts Bader and adds that it is stress that is necessary for development.
14. When it comes to sex, quality is more important than quantity
There is a fascinating study Carnegie Mellon on the link between how often you have sex and how happy you are.
The researchers divided heterosexual married couples into two groups: for 90 days, half continued their normal schedule of intercourse, and half had it twice as often. When the researchers finally measured how each group felt, the group that doubled the gender frequency was actually slightly less happy.
The lead researcher behind the study claims that if you want to be happy, focus on the quality, not the quantity, of sex.
15. The happiest couples marry for love, not because of social pressure or the desire to have a family
Couples who marry primarily for love are, on average, much happier, it shows research, which was conducted in 2019 on 2,000 respondents. More than half of the respondents said that marriage would make their relationship happier. The research found that happy couples agree on political issues, get similar education and believe in open communication.
16. Be prepared to adapt, as people's opinions and behaviors can change over time
"Every day you change as your spouse changes," he said when asked what the secret of his successful marriage is Phil Azzi, who has been married for 15 years. "When your spouse changes in a way that seems at odds with your life, it affects your life and you have to adjust to it," he added.
Be prepared to adapt and face the same arguments day in and day out. Always keep in mind that your spouse is almost certainly adjusting to the daily changes they see in you.
17. Think about your partner's social media habits before marriage
Rachel Sussman, relationship expert and marriage counselor, said that recently the number of couples fighting over their partner's use of social networks has been increasing. These couples are usually younger and get upset about how much time their partners spend on social media. They also get upset if a loved one keeps in touch with their exes using Instagram or other platforms, Sussman said.
18. The less materialistic you are, the happier you will be
Research showed that materialism is associated with lower marital satisfaction. In other words, if you want to be happier with your partner, it's important to focus on the things in life that can't be bought, like quality time together and good conversation, she says Business Insider.
