Setting boundaries is important in personal relationships. While this may seem selfish to some, the other person's reaction can trigger uncomfortable feelings in you that you may have done something wrong. But setting boundaries is an important skill that makes sure you know how to take care of yourself, protect yourself, and put yourself first.
How to set your boundaries? When we talk about boundaries in the psychological sense, we mean restrictions that protect us. Setting boundaries can protect our time, safety, pleasure, relationships with partners, friends, family, business partners.
Admittedly, communicating boundaries can be easy a real challenge. You may feel like you did something wrong when you told someone "no" or set your own boundaries, especially if they are people close to you. In addition, some people will manipulate you so skillfully that you will change your mind and thereby break your own boundaries that you have set for yourself.
When someone doesn't accepting your boundaries, does not mean that you have to defend yourself, give details or make excuses, as this can weaken your own position and lead to various discussions. So be at stating the boundaries of peace, clear, friendly and decisive.
If you notice a pattern of people not respecting your boundaries, it may mean that you are not enforcing these parameters as clearly or consistently as you should. Perhaps allow that inertia your "no" turns someone into a "yes". If so, then your behavior is rewarding their persistence and teaching them that they can change it.
How to clearly set your boundaries?
1. Instead of “but” use “and”
Every word counts when setting boundaries, so use them carefully. Instead of the word "but", use "and". You can use it present clear positions and you open up an additional interpretation, while the use of the word but, your limits simply undo.
2. Instead of "I can't" say "I won't"
This change in vocabulary is subtle but powerful. "I can not” sounds like you are a victim of forces outside yourself, while “I will not" it comes from you. In addition, the word "I can't" usually provokes a response from the other party: Why not? When you have someone in your life who pushes your boundaries, the person can easily interpret your "I can't" as an obstacle, as it expresses your indecisiveness.
3. Time to reflect
When setting boundaries, it is very important that you have also a time for reflection and think carefully about your answer. A later answer can also have its advantages, as it gives you the opportunity to answer it in writing. This way you avoid unpleasant personal reactions, negotiations and live discussion.
4. I appreciate that, but… I won't
If someone or his appreciate the gesture, say so. The other party will clearly understand that you do not want to cooperate, and at the same time, both you and the other person will feel better.
5. Short and concise
Each communication of boundaries and your decisions should have one thing in common. These should be short and concise - without redundant information, namely you do not need to justify your decisions. Too much information can confuse your opponent and make you a victim of manipulation.
