Stand up for yourself and let people who don't appreciate you out of your life.
Some people don't respect your needs and wishes without realizing it, whether it's someone from work, a friend or a partner. Setting boundaries in life is important because it keeps you safe and helps you meet your needs. Such boundaries can be physical, emotional or romantic and can drain your time and energy.
Let's look at some of the most common ways others can cross your boundaries.
1. You get things you didn't ask for
It is important that you feel heard and understood. For example, if you and your partner agree to save money, you don't buy each other expensive gifts. This is an important part of a respectful relationship.
Your partner nevertheless buys you an expensive gift. You feel guilty for not appreciating his gift. It is important to clarify your feelings and let them know that you have agreed otherwise.
2. You excuse their behavior
Let's look at an example, say: "He only acts like that when he's under stress" or "He makes fun of me, but I know he really loves me." Such behavior will do you more harm than good.
It is important to recognize such behavior and tell them what you do not appreciate about them. Set boundaries by communicating the consequences of their behavior, such as: "I'll feel miserable if you do" or "If you keep doing this, our relationship will end ”
3. Blame yourself when things go wrong
This is usually when boundaries are crossed and you take on the responsibility of others. For example, if you and your family throw a party and end up doing everything yourself. But when the party is not successful, you blame yourself for not being good enough.
Instead, it's important to understand that you weren't solely responsible for the party, and that maybe it didn't work out because no one helped you. Don't take on the responsibility of others - choose your part and stick to it.
4. Your decisions are not taken into account
Many people, from your partner to a family member, can hurt you. For example, your partner pressures you to do things you don't like, or your family doesn't hear you when you say: "No."
In this case, let them know that you are not satisfied. Use phrases like: ” “That doesn't work for me” or "I'm not happy with it." This will help you to communicate calmly with them and restore your boundaries.
5. You feel guilty about letting people down
This can be seen in a situation where you have planned a night out without your partner and children, but your partner keeps calling you saying that the children miss you, making you feel guilty for not being with them.
But remember that this is your night off and your partner is responsible for the kids, not you. Set your boundaries firmly so that you can focus on your own responsibilities and your partner will have to deal with theirs.
6. You are angry with the people around you
This can happen when you go against your own values and desires, when other people do not consider your feelings important.
The most important thing is to first understand why you feel so angry so that you can then set boundaries. Tell them how you feel. It's always important to be consistent with your boundaries so there's no confusion about what is and isn't okay with you.
7. Notice that others do not take responsibility for their actions
This means that you may find yourself in a position where you doubt yourself, as the other person may pretend and deny their actions. It's a sign "illuminations" – complex forms of abuse.
It's important to be direct about your boundaries, to make it clear what they are. And to say when they are violated and what will happen if they are not taken into account.
The key thing to remember is that if someone is constantly purposefully crossing your boundaries, you are wasting your energy with them unnecessarily.
Let such people out of your life.
