Are some of the messages you receive confusing and emotionally draining? Narcissists are known for using messages as a tool of manipulation.
Narcissists are masters of creating the impression of the perfect partner. At the beginning of a relationship, they shower you with attention, affectionate phrases, and seemingly sincere promises. Their communication is intense and you are quickly drawn in, as it gives you a sense of unique connection. But once they win you over, their strategy completely changes.
Messages that were once full of love and interest, they become cold, confused, and painful. Rare, cold, or even intended to provoke your negative emotions. Narcissists use texting as one of their main ways to emotionally attach you to them.
How does this manipulation work? Love bombing initially creates a dependency on their attention. But when they suddenly ignore you, you struggle to return to your previous state of closeness. This is a cycle that narcissists master to perfection and use to keep you under their influence.
Recognize the phrases and tactics that narcissists use in their messages.
These messages, these words, are not random – there is a clear purpose behind them.
1. “I'm very busy, I don't have time for this.”
At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists always find time for you.
They respond quickly and enthusiastically, giving the impression that you are the most important person in their life. But when they “tie you up,” everything changes. Their responsiveness suddenly disappears, and they dismiss your messages as unimportant and annoying. If you ask them why their attitude has changed, they accuse you of being too demanding or even possessive. This leaves you confused and questioning your behavior, even though they have created an expectation of constant attention.
2. “Good morning, you look beautiful.”
At first glance, this is a harmless and even affectionate phrase.
But narcissists use it as a way to emotionally attach you to them. Sending these messages every morning creates a sense of routine and closeness. Over time, you become dependent on their attention and come to expect these messages as something that is taken for granted. When they suddenly stop sending them, it confuses and emotionally hurts you. This encourages you to seek their attention and work to reestablish the closeness that they themselves have broken.
3. “I’m sorry, I don’t deserve you.”
This is one of the most common manipulative techniques of narcissists.
Although they may seem to express remorse, their apologies are not sincere. They want you to comfort them and assure them that they are worthy of your love. This is how they gain control of your emotions and convince you to forget about their past mistakes. They don't actually think they don't deserve you - they just want to strengthen your attachment to them.
4. “She's just a friend. We have nothing.”
Narcissists often exploit jealousy as a tool for manipulation.
They mention “friends” or “colleagues” they spend a lot of time with to confuse and destabilize you. When you express concern, they accuse you of being paranoid and overly sensitive. But in reality, they like to make you feel insecure, because that’s how they maintain control over your emotions. They often even invent romantic interests to test your reaction.
5. “Read,” but no response.
Silence is one of the most painful weapons that narcissists use.
When they enable read receipts but don't respond, they leave you feeling uncertain and confused. This behavior is designed to cause emotional pain. While you wait for their response, they often post on social media or engage in public with others to further emphasize your insignificance.
6. “I’m tired of this.”
When you try to express your feelings, narcissists often silence you with this phrase.
They dismiss your legitimate concerns and feelings as “drama” or an unnecessary burden. Instead of answering your questions, they end the conversation and leave you confused. This tactic teaches you to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself in order to avoid conflict.
7. “I've been thinking and I don't think this will work.”
Ending a relationship via text message is a typical sign of their fear of confrontation.
Narcissists use this method of ending a relationship to avoid responsibility for their behavior. They accuse you of being “incompatible” and leave you feeling guilty. Their goal is to cause additional emotional pain while maintaining the possibility of reconnection if they decide they want to win you back.
8. “How are you? I miss you.”
After the relationship ends, narcissists often maintain contact to keep you under their influence.
These messages are part of a tactic they use to try to get you back into their manipulative cycle. The mixed signals they send cause emotional confusion and encourage you to reconnect with them, preventing you from emotionally freeing yourself and moving on with your life.
How to protect yourself from manipulation?
Recognizing these patterns is key to maintaining your emotional health.
Narcissists use texting as a tool for control, so it's important to set clear boundaries and distance yourself from toxic relationships. If you receive any of the messages mentioned above, ask yourself if the person truly respects your boundaries and feelings. Choose to be kind to yourself and not let manipulation keep you in a relationship that is hurting you.
Remember it
You deserve a relationship based on respect, love, and honesty. Narcissists can't offer that, so it's best to focus on your own happiness and free yourself from their influence.
