Well-known blogger Clint Edwards, father of three and author of humorous parenting books, could not understand why his wife wakes up tired in the morning, despite the children sleeping through the night. Over time, however, it became clearer to him.
We present his story to you.
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Shortly after eight o'clock in the morning, my wife Mel told me that she hadn't slept, so I just asked her: "When did you go to sleep?" We have three children and they all sleep through the night. I couldn't see how she didn't fall asleep, unless she stayed up longer, which she probably did.
"Around midnight," replied a visibly tired Mel. "Why were you up so long?" I asked her. "I just don't understand why you didn't go to bed when I did." I went to bed a little before 10 p.m., and my wife said to me: "I'll be just a little while longer." But apparently that didn't happen. I said to her: "You don't feel sorry for me," mainly because it wasn't the first time she'd stayed up late at night, and it seemed to me - for no good reason.
Since we've had kids, I've been going to bed earlier, in fact, getting a good night's sleep is a priority in my life. But Mel is not like that.
We have been married for about 12 years and have had children for the last nine years. Since then, my wife and I have never slept together. What bothered me the most was that she stayed up late at night doing who knows what, and then the next day she complained about not sleeping.
Eventually, I asked my wife again why she refused to answer my question. She sat down on the sofa, crossed her legs and sat thoughtfully. I sat down next to her and just as I was about to ask her again, she said: "I spend all day with the children. All day. And when the kids aren't around, I'm with you - which is great - but when I'm not with you, I'm with the kids. Simply…” She thought for a moment and said: "I just need time to myself."
I started thinking about what she said and I didn't fully understand it. I never needed to "time for yourself." I knew I needed sleep, apparently it's not the same.
"What do you mean time for yourself?" I asked her. "I just want to sit on the sofa and not have anyone climb all over me. I want no one to touch me for a while. Sometimes when the kids are around me all day and clinging to my body, I feel sensory overload. I need time to just sit and watch anything other than cartoons or computer games. I want peace and quiet, and night is the only time I feel like I did when I wasn't a mother yet."
I never thought it was a problem. I assumed Mel liked being a mom. That's not to say we didn't talk about the challenges of parenting, but I didn't know it took time to feel like a non-mother.
"Don't you like being a mom?" I asked her hesitantly. “I love our children, but it has nothing to do with motherhood. This is only related to the desire to be alone at times. Sometimes I don't even want you around." Mel replied, adding: "I love you and the kids, I just need time to be me. A time when no one asks me anything, when no one argues about this or that. A time when nobody wants anything. This is more important to me than sleep. Is it clearer to you now?”
“Not really,” I said. I stopped for a moment. "I mean, it's not something I personally need, but I'll respect it."
I hugged my wife and just quietly asked her: "Will you stay up again tonight?" She nodded. "Fine. I will leave you alone.”
