Disagreements in a relationship are nothing dramatic if, of course, we do not intensify them, but maintain calm blood and respect even in the face of conflict.
Disagreements in a relationship come and go. How we react to their presence is up to us. Have you ever argued with your partner, only to find that your words are completely empty and their meaning is not very understandable? Speech disorders such as hesitation, repetition, interjections, etc., can easily interrupt our natural rhythm of speech. This can hinder our emotional expression and healthy communication, which also comes in handy in case of conflicts.
One of the reasons why this happens is that heightened emotions contribute to it. Impulsivity triggered by emotions prevents us from expressing our thoughts clearly, instead we keep going back, correcting ourselves, etc. In addition, research shows that when an emotional threat is perceived - in this case, an argument that could cause a feeling of abandonment or rejections – our “survival responses” are triggered.
These create a state of high emotional and physiological arousal (increased heart rate, breathing rate, etc.) In this physical state, our drive is clear: to fight or to escape. These responses can hinder our ability to think clearly and communicate because we want to solely protect ourselves from the consequences of conflict.
A 2014 study found that stress increases cortisol levels in the body. Long-term exposure to elevated cortisol levels is associated with deterioration of synapses in the prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain closely related to short-term memory.
So how do you maintain a constructive dialogue when there is disagreement in a relationship?
Take a break
When emotions are running high, even a short break can help cool them down a bit. As a result, you return to the conversation with clearer thoughts. Take a moment to ground yourself. A deep breath will be enough to calm the nervous system and reduce emotional intensity. Movement is another way to regulate emotions, so walking, dancing or any other exercise can help.
Practice effective communication skills
Be an active listener by paying attention to your partner's words and body language. Research shows that anger reduces the ability to observe and understand. Try to understand your partner's perspective and validate their feelings, even if you disagree. This can lead to more empathy and faster conflict resolution.
Focus on finding common ground
Instead of blaming and accusing each other, think about how to solve the situation. The key to this often lies in finding common ground. Everyone in the relationship is also obliged to do self-reflection, with which they can learn their own role in the conflict and see the conflict from a different perspective. Start sentences from your own perspective like "I feel hurt..." or "I'm upset because..." instead of pointing the finger at your partners by saying "you". This will shift the focus from blaming to expressing your feelings.
