Relationship games are dangerous! Are you playing the most dangerous ones? Check it out!
Relationships, especially love relationships, are not only a source of endless inspiration for movies, books and other genres of art, but also a subject of study by academics. Eric Bernja, founder of transactional psychotherapy and author of the book Games People Play, was particularly interested in games, that we humans play in a relationship. What are the most common?
The unfair games that couples play in their relationship…
"It's your fault."
We play the "It's your fault" game when we prefer to shift the blame onto a fellow human being rather than face our own fears, laziness or other blockages.
"as"
The game "As" is best understood with an example. Miha and Neža agree to go to the cinema in the evening. Before leaving, they talk and Neža decides that Miha should go to the cinema alone, while she stays in the "corner", with a fig in her hand. This game, of course, brings nothing but a deepened sense of dissatisfaction and Miho's experience of guilt and anger.
"Dear"
This game is usually played in public. One partner puts their partner in a position of public ridicule with a funny but offensive story, but also saturates the telling with endearing words. Affectionate words make it difficult for an offended partner to get really angry.
"You see what you're getting me into."
Of course, other people often make us angry, insult us or make our blood literally boil. Still, the manifestations of our response are our choice. That's why the game "See what you made me do" is completely pointless. The partner who pissed you off is not to blame if you hit him for it.
"Look how hard I'm trying."
An example of such a game can be seen in divorces. For example: a woman wants to divorce her husband, but he resists it, even though he doesn't think a quiet divorce is the worst idea because of the difficulties. When the divorce occurs, he can wash his conscience and tell himself that he did not want the divorce and that he worked very hard for the marriage - but often (but not always) both partners contribute to the breakup of the relationship.
