How did we sleep last night? Did we wake up refreshed and full of energy or tired and sluggish? The answers to these questions can give us some insight into how we will communicate with our partner today. The quality of sleep is therefore also related to our attitude in a relationship. Check out how in the article!
In the research they did Amy Gordon and Serena Chen from the University of California, Berkeley, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, participants saved a short online survey every day for two weeks. Participants reported how long they slept, how many times they woke up during the night, how they fell asleep, whether they were tired during the day, and whether they had any conflicts with their partner.
A two-week study showed that they are people who slept worse had more frequent fights with their partners. In fact, a study found that it can just one bad night affects conflicts in a relationship. When we humans sleep worse than usual, we are more likely to fight with our partner the next day. Although stress, anxiety and conflicts of the previous day affect the quality of our sleep, in their study the researchers were able to rule out this possibility as a potential reason for conflicts the next day.
Sleep, however, does not only affect whether the two partners argue. Also affects the experience of the dispute itself and the success of its resolution. In another study, couples came into the laboratory and had a video-monitored discussion about the reason for the conflict in their relationship. People who told themselves they didn't sleep well the night before an argument felt worse during the argument (they experienced more negative emotions than positive ones) and thus were less accurate in reading their partner's emotions.
Does this mean that everything will be fine if we get a good night's sleep? Is not necessarily. Also our partner's sleep affects how we experience conflict in our relationship. Partners of people who have not slept well also feel worse during conflict and are less accurate at reading their partner's emotions. As we can probably assume, partners are most successful in resolving conflicts when both are well-rested - and even one partner with poor sleep is enough to make conflict resolution more difficult.
READ MORE: 8 "immature" arguments that happen even in the most mature relationships
So what is the message of the study?
Sleep is important. Not only for our physical health and productivity at work, but also for our relationship. A good night's sleep means less risk of falling out with your partner and a greater likelihood of successfully resolving potential disputes. But there are also days when it's hard to get a good night's sleep, for example when we have a new baby or when we're facing a project deadline. That's when we need to keep in mind that the days when we and our partner are too tired are not the days to try to resolve important conflicts in our relationship.
Why poor sleep actually leads to more conflict isn't known—it could be that we're simply more irritable because we haven't slept well, or we're tired and self-focused and have less energy to try to understand our partner's perspective. Whatever it is, it's probably best to we talk about important issues in our relationship when we are rested.
