Love is a beautiful emotion that can quickly turn to hate - don't let hurtful actions cause your relationship to fall apart.
74-year-old professor of psychology John Gottman has been researching marriages and relationships for 40 years - studying what keeps them strong and what destroys them. According to extensive research, after only five minutes of conversation with a couple, it can determine with 91% accuracy whether the relationship will work out.
In his bestselling book about maintaining a happy marriage titled The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work among other things, it reveals what it is that most destroys a relationship and ultimately causes it breakup of the relationship.
Actions that lead to the dissolution of the relationship:
1. Criticizing
There's nothing wrong with complaining, but there is with criticizing, says John Gottman. Criticism is aimed at the person, not at their behavior. For example, we tell our partner that he is bad, but not that his action is bad.
2. Contempt
Contempt takes many forms, such as insults, eye rolls, inappropriate humor, teasing, or teasing. Gottman argues that contempt is the worst of the four, for the attitude of deadly habits, because it expresses revulsion. According to Gottman, it is very difficult to solve any problem if the partner feels resistance from the other side.
3. Defense
Defense is actually a way to blame our partner for everything, the professor teaches us. When we say that the problem is not with us, but with our partner, we only deepen the conflict and make it even more difficult to resolve.
4. Not communicating
Silence in a relationship is very damaging. You know how that goes? When we are angry with our partner, we shut him down and don't talk to him, we are punishing him in this way. This does not solve the problem, but deepens it, as the partner moves away from the relationship, warns Gottman. A conversation is always the best solution!
In his book, Gottman also says, among other things, that differences in opinion are not the cause of breakup of the relationship, but the key is the way we solve problems. As much as 69 percent of conflicts are permanent, so it is important to learn to solve them or, if we are spinning in a vicious circle, to seek the help of an expert and change the patterns.
We can also learn a lot from a book about how to learn what our partner (and ourselves) really need 5 love languages the author Gary Chapman. The author advocates the theory that each of us understands one of the five love languages as love (dedicated time, words of affirmation, gifts, favors and touch), we just have to learn to recognize it in our partner.
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John Gottman
