We've all been in a situation where our partner makes us angry and we say something that we immediately regret. But the key to a happy relationship lies not only in avoiding conflicts, but in the way we deal with them. The phrase "You never clean the dishes" may seem innocent, but it hides a poison that can gradually destroy a love relationship.
In long partnerships, tension is inevitable. However, there are certain phrases that successful couples never use because they can instantly ignite an argument. Phrases like "Never..." and "You always..." are two common triggers that automatically put a partner on the defensive. Generalizations and accusations are hidden in these sentences, which creates the impression that the partner is always doing wrong, which is rarely true. Psychologists warn that these phrases are a form of contempt, which can lead to alienation and the breakdown of the relationship.
In communication with a partner, certain phrases can cause more harm than good. Here are three common examples that are best left out:
"Never..."
When we start a sentence with this, we are generalizing as if the partner never does a certain thing. This creates a sense of attack and injustice. Instead, we prefer to express our feelings: "I feel like you didn't have time this week to..."
"You always..."
This phrase is accusatory and puts the partner on the defensive. It is better to use statements in the first person, such as: "I feel neglected when this happens."
"If you really loved me, you would..."
This phrase involves manipulation and conditions love on certain actions. Instead, it is recommended to openly express your wishes, for example: "I would really like you to do this for me."
Instead, it is recommended to focus on expressing your own emotions. Instead of "You always ignore me," try "I feel like I'm not being heard right now." This avoids blame and opens the door for an honest conversation about feelings and problems. It is important not to dwell on the past during an argument, but to stay in the moment.
The ability to self-regulate before uttering words in affect is key. The most successful couples are those who know how to calm down and think before reacting. In this way, they create a space for respectful communication, where both partners take turns expressing their feelings without attacking each other.
