Joan Rivers, who passed away a few days ago at the age of eighty-one, entertained us in her almost six-decade-long career as a comedian with rather poisonous humor, the target of which was many celebrities and most of the time - herself. We have collected for you the 20 best jokes of this great woman who knew how to spice up even the darkest moments in her life with humor.
About external appearance
1. I've had so much plastic surgery that my body will be donated to Tupperware when I die.
2. My breasts are so saggy that they can do a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
3. If Kate Winslet had lost a few pounds, the Titanic would never have sunk.
4. Looking 50 years old is only great if you are actually 60.
5. Madonna is so hairy that when she raised her arm, I thought Tina Turner was hiding in her armpit.
6. Style is like herpes: you either have it or you don't.
About sex
7. Currently, my best pregnancy prevention method is to leave the lights on at night.
8. My husband and I have a really bad sex life. I only hear deep breathing from his side of the bed when he has an asthma attack.
9. My sex life is so messed up that my G spot has been declared a historical landmark.
10. I once asked my husband why he never screams my name during sex. He said he didn't want to wake me up.
11. Do you know why women never blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
READ MORE: Meaningful last words of famous people
About Judaism
12. I recently watched a porn film for the first time. And he was Jewish: 1 minute of sex and 9 minutes of bad conscience.
13. I'm Jewish and I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bow down, he would scatter diamonds on the floor.
About family life
14. I hate housework. You make the beds, wash the dishes, and in six months you have to do it all over again.
15. My daughter and I are very close. We talk on the phone every day and say the same thing. I say, "Hang in, I know you're there," and she says, "How the hell did you get that new number?!"
About other things in life
16. I dated a transvestite for a while and what did my mother advise me? "Marry him, you'll have twice as many clothes!"
17. I will only consider running when I see a runner smiling.
18. My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it is not there at all, and as much as there is - it stinks.
19. In California, everyone is on drugs. If they see a table with something white on it, they will "sniff" it. I have a friend who sniffed dandruff off a table in a beauty salon.
20. People always say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always felt that if you have money, then you can put the key to work.
