"Let your confidence be greater than your ego." - Loesje
Writer, blogger Jessica Wildfire Jessica Wildfire reveals how genuine confidence differs from toxic confidence. “All the cool kids were jumping off the cliff. I was 17 years old and watched them. My mother warned me that life can be literal at times - very real. It's my turn. I declined. People stared at me. The head coach tried to talk me down. 'Don't be afraid,' he said. 'Just do it.' Instead, I sat down on a rock. Fifteen minutes later, the girl twisted her ankle on a tree trunk hidden under the water surface. She limped along the way, her friends helped her. We knew she would probably miss her first game. And she did.
I have been observing self-confidence in people for some time. I saw the fake self-confidence that hurts people, and the real thing that we often miss in people. I have always tried to cultivate genuine self-confidence.”
So what are the people who have in them real, authentic self-confidence, and not toxic, fake?
1. They quietly encourage and uplift the people around them
Someone with toxic self-esteem gives themselves a lot of praise. He might compliment someone he likes, but he's still only doing it to make himself look good. Someone with genuine confidence applauds others for their good work. She injects small compliments into everyday interactions to make people feel appreciated. They don't need credit for instilling confidence in someone else.
2. They do not adjust with headlights
Someone with genuine confidence doesn't always need to be the center of attention. He prefers when someone else gets the attention. He likes to pay attention to other people. They don't need a headlight because it is the headlight itself. He's not trying to impress everyone in the room. Everyone in the room is trying to impress him.
3. They also ask stupid questions
Someone with false confidence pretends to know everything. Someone with genuine self-confidence, however, knows that they have an obligation to ask uncomfortable questions of themselves and everyone else, even if in doing so they challenge assumptions and popular opinion.
4. They go back to basics
Someone with genuine confidence isn't afraid to start at the very beginning and never assumes they're too smart to learn.
5. They don't talk much
Someone with toxic confidence speaks at every opportunity. Never let silence reign. Someone with genuine confidence sits and listens. That you have time to think. He might go into a meeting without saying anything. Some cultures value it highly.
6. They struggle with dark facts and feelings
Someone with toxic self-esteem never allows themselves, or anyone else, to express negative thoughts or feelings. Everything should be positive all the time. Shame on anyone who contradicts him or asks tough questions he can't answer. Someone with genuine self-confidence does not complain in public, but allows others to complain. He knows that people feel fear and pessimism. It helps people process their emotions, not run away from them. Find out how to deal with obstacles.
7. They are incredibly honest in private
Someone with toxic self-esteem never gives up. He is afraid that others will see him scared. It confuses vulnerability with weakness. Someone with genuine confidence knows the difference between optimism and delusion. He projects confidence when he needs to. Behind the scenes, he faces reality. Genuine confidence means admitting your fears and mistakes at the right time and place with the right people.
8. They apologize
Someone with toxic self-esteem hates apologies. Even when he is forced to apologize, he will manage to turn the apology into a bunch of excuses and ramblings. They think it is enough if they are sorry and that gives them the right to forgive. Someone with genuine confidence knows that a sincere apology can save almost any relationship. He values this relationship above his own ego. He sees an apology as an attempt to do whatever it takes to restore someone's trust and respect.
9. They embrace real discomfort
Someone with toxic self-esteem talks a lot about cold showers and marathon training regimens. There's nothing wrong with trying to make yourself tough and fit, but that's only half the battle. Someone with genuine self-confidence knows that there is an intellectual and emotional side to discomfort, not just physical. He knows that there is always a dark, unsettling reflection waiting for him around the corner. He knows that maybe one day he'll learn that he's not as tough or as smart as he thought he was.
10. They acknowledge their blind spots and privileges
Someone with toxic self-esteem thinks they have improved. He thinks he overcame adversity. He is the first to judge someone and accuse him of making excuses. Someone with genuine self-confidence knows that they have never achieved anything on their own. He knows that some have more privilege than others. He knows that he is not at the bottom or the top, but somewhere in the middle. He always tries to help people who are less fortunate than him. He does this out of true humility and gratitude for what he has.
11. They know their limits
Someone with toxic self-esteem pretends to have no boundaries. It practically ignores the laws of physics. Toxic self-esteem puts people at risk. It encourages poor judgment and recklessness. Someone with genuine confidence learns limits by testing them and pushing them away. He encourages other people to challenge his boundaries, but they should never blindly ignore them.
Toxic self-esteem is like a fancy car in a showroom. It looks great, but there is no engine in it. Genuine confidence is the opposite. It was on the road. All over the country. Maybe it's a little worn. But it will always get you where you need to go!
