You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know something is wrong, even though you can't quite put your finger on what. You go into the day with a bad feeling. Everything bothers you, you think something is going to happen. He's afraid of you.
And this continues day after day, until one day you realize that this feeling is weighing you down, and that you are haunted by a pain that you cannot quite understand. All this is slowly tiring you out.
You are confused. A small but scary feeling awakens in you that you can't shake. You're sure this is a warning of something to come. You start attaching bad thoughts to feelings. You build yourself stories of fear. Stories you know are illogical. You are exaggerating your confusion and feeling of helplessness.
You are sure that something is going to happen, but right now you can't see that nothing is really wrong. Stop. Stop it! Everything is exactly as it should be, nothing is wrong.
Stop projecting false stories. Stop telling stories that didn't happen.
If you don't fully process your emotional experiences, they stay with you like food you can't digest or old clothes you never throw away. Sometimes experiences have food, wisdom and guidance in them. On the other hand, there is waste that has been waiting to be thrown in the trash for a long time.
Allef Vinicius / Unsplash
When you are ready to heal, you will need to go to a safe space and focus on these feelings. Let them show you their origins. You will see moments that you have already forgotten. Feelings you forgot you ever felt.
The past will appear in a heartbeat.
Slowly, you will wake up in the story that caused you unrest. You will see a part of you that had to break away and that built a wall around your heart because behind it was a wound that you could not heal. When you're ready, you'll step behind him.
You will realize that anger, sadness and anxiety are experiences that want to wake you up, not break you.
You will have to cry. To cry for the person who broke your heart, for the child whose friends were mean to him. You will have to mourn what you lost. You will have to go back in time and tell the child in it to tell you what you should have said at the moment when the bad and painful things happened.
At that time, the child in you could not find the words. He couldn't react. You'll have to do this over and over again until you slowly find that it's getting easier - which means you're letting go. Although you cannot change the time or of the past, yet in a way you are changing your story.
Release stored pain.
You will have to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and small. Surrender. Don't fight anymore. Let the tears flow. You will see the past as it was and your present life as it is, full of hope and potential.
The world will begin to change.
You will get out of bad relationships and start building new ones. You will begin to feel gratitude for these simple things. You'll sleep a little easier. You will gradually start to come back to yourself. Now you know that you have to cry when you lose someone. When you're disappointed, you have to be disappointed. When you want to say something, you have to speak.
You don't learn in the healing process, you only learn how to go back and fix what you didn't finish. You also learn how to move forward, how to live in the present, how to process your experiences in real time.
When you feel strong enough to look at what's wrong, you begin to discover your soul. You know, she was always there. It was just buried under years and layers of identities and styles and beliefs and ideas that clung to you like a shield.
You were never lost - you were just hidden.
The whole time you feel so uncomfortable, it's just your innermost self trying to talk to you, trying to remind you of its presence. Don't forget about him. Still believe him. Continue. There is more to life than the past. You're living it now. Enjoy every moment of it. It leaves the old baggage of fear and pain in the past.
