The human mind loves control. The need for predictability and the feeling of being in control of our lives are almost instinctual. But how do we act when we find ourselves in a world where so much is beyond our control? When faced with unpredictability, the key is not to hold on tight, but to learn how to let go.
From a young age, we are taught to act, to influence, to control – from homework to professional success. We are taught that if we try hard enough, we will achieve what we want. And if not? Then we haven’t tried hard enough.
But the truth is much more complex. Life is full of sudden changes, and other people's decisions are often beyond our control. And then? We start pulling on the rope. That metaphorical rope that ties us to a burden we can never move.
Psychologist Dr. Elissa Epel In his work, he emphasizes that our biggest problem is spending energy on things we cannot change. Pressure and the desire for control create internal conflict. What if we directed that energy elsewhere?
Why do we crave control?
The human brain loves predictability. When we manage to create order and a sense of security, stress is reduced. But what happens when Do we try to control what is beyond our reach? Our body responds with endless tension, chronic stress, and a feeling of helplessness.
It's a classic paradox: the more we try to control the uncontrollable, the more frustrated we become. The solution? Admitting that they are certain things are simply beyond our control.
Let go of the reins
Imagine holding a heavy rope tied to a stationary rock. You pull and pull until your arms hurt, but the rock doesn't budge an inch. Now ask yourself: what would happen if you simply let go of the rope?
By doing this you are not admitting defeat, but take control of yourselfYou really do have a choice – not over things, but over how you respond to them.
Accepting unpredictability
Dr. Epel suggests a simple exercise: write down everything that’s worrying you right now. Then divide those things into two categories—those you can change and those you can’t. Keep the former on your list, cross off the latter. It sounds banal, but it’s incredibly liberating.
When you are faced with something unpredictable, stop and think: is this something I can solve? If not, let the thought go. Think of this quote from the Dalai Lama: "If the problem is solvable, why worry? If it is not solvable, why worry?"
Changing perspective
One of the biggest pitfalls is rumination – ruminating on things that have already happened or could happen. When you find yourself in this vicious cycle, use a simple trick: ask yourself if the thought is productive. If it isn’t, put it aside – like you would put away useless luggage.
Becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable
Sometimes the best strategy is simply accept that life is chaoticIt is in this chaos that beauty lies – unexpected opportunities, new beginnings, and the opportunity for personal growth.
Dr. Epel suggests visualization: instead of pulling on the rope, imagine yourself letting it go. This action is a symbolic reminder that you are strong enough to let things go.
Life is not a script that we can completely direct. It is a stream, full of twists and turns. But in that stream we always have a choice – not over the direction of the river, but over how we will swim. Let go of the rope. Allow yourself to be surprised by the freedom that comes with it.
