Sometimes relationships don't fall apart, they just stay. They become something we carry around because we've grown accustomed to their weight. It doesn't hurt enough to leave, and it doesn't give enough to stay. And it's in that in-between space that the questions we usually put off the longest begin. Be with someone who chooses you!
For a long time, you believed that love was something you had to earn. That you mattered because... because it can't be done without you. Because you are support. Because you are stability. Because he breathes easier with you, stands easier, survives easier.
At first, this feeling is pleasant. It makes sense. It gives you a sense of worth. It gives you a reason to stay even when it's not easy. If a man needs you, you feel like you have a special place in his life. That you are irreplaceable. That you have a role.
Over time, however, it becomes clear that need is not the same as love.
Neediness means that someone is leaning on you instead of standing by you. That you are not in the relationship as an equal, but as a support. And once you are in that role, you start to put yourself to second place. Not because you want to, but because you feel a responsibility. For peace. For balance. For stability.
That's when you start taking care of yourself. in the wrong way. You silence the things you should say. You adapt. You shrink. Not because you don't have your own needs, but because you know he would have a hard time carrying them. And so you slowly lose touch with yourself without even noticing.
Love based on need is often very intense.
Full of ups and downs, strong emotions and dramatic moments. One day you're everything, the next day you're the problem. One day you're the solution, the next day you're the blame. And that's exactly what emotional instability is often mistaken for depth or passion.
But in reality, it's not about depth, but about fear. Fear of loneliness. Fear of emptiness. Fear of having to face myself.
If someone needs you, they often don't see you fully.
He doesn't see your limits, your tiredness, your doubts. He sees above all the feeling he has with you. The peace he can't create himself. The security you give him. But in such a relationship, you gradually you become a function. Someone who must always be strong, always understanding, and always present.
That's why the thought of being with someone who doesn't need you is uncomfortable at first. Because it means you're no longer in the role of rescuer. It means you're not a support. To stand alone. And that takes more courage than we often admit. That kind of attitude doesn't allow you to hide. It forces you to simply be who you are.
The difference between need and choice is simple but crucial
When a man needs you, he stays because he can't live without you. When he chooses you, he stays because he wants to. Not because he's afraid of what will happen without you. Not because he can't do it alone. But because he's consciously choosing you.
Such an attitude is calmer. It is not based on crises and reconciliations. It does not require constant proving. It does not require you to always be available or always strong. And that is precisely why many people are afraid of it.
Because we are often accustomed to the idea that love must hurt. That it must be tense, unpredictable, and intense. Peace seems boring to us if we don't recognize it as security.
But the truth is that peace is often a sign of a mature relationship.
This is a place where you don't have to play roles. Where you don't have to be perfect, that you are desired. Where you can come home tired, imperfect, and no one tries to fix you. Where you are not responsible for the emotional balance of another, but You're with him because you both want it.
The most beautiful relationships are not the ones where someone needs you. The most beautiful are the ones where someone chooses you. Every day. Not out of fear or lack, but out of a clear, calm decision.
