"Don't give in to fear. If you do, you'll lose your connection to your heart." - Paulo Coelho
For some, the relationship may be the same "to the cold, damp hands of death" (thanks to Hyde from Oh, The Seventies for this wonderful description). Being in a relationship for them means literally being in a relationship! To the altar. With cable. Next to it, on one side stands the scary father-in-law, on the other, the mother-in-law. And if you think about such a scenario, it probably makes sense to run away from the relationship (or at least from the scary father-in-law).
While people with commitment issues are they want to experience love, but an unbearable fear of possible failure, along with general anxiety, prevents them from staying in a relationship for a long time.
A previously unrealized or unsuccessful relationship it can leave a person with permanent scars and, as a form of self-preservation, resistance to entering into a new relationship appears. The potential scenario of being committed to someone else triggers a fear of rejection or loss, which previous unpleasant experiences only reinforce. In some cases, however, commitment aversion may be the result insecure childhood attachments. What kind of relationship a person had with their parents as a child says a lot about what kind of relationships a person will have with others in adult life.
Commitment and insecure attachment
Let's look at the three most common types of insecure attachment!
1. Fear and avoidance: they would like to be in a relationship but are afraid of the pain.
2. Rejections are avoided: they deny the need to be dependent and/or to be dependent on them.
3. Excitement and anxiety: they fear a one-sided relationship.
Although these types of psychological blocks are difficult to overcome, they can be alleviated. Writing down fears, communication patterns, coping mechanisms from childhood memories can be crucial for understanding and overcoming trauma. It is often necessary to seek professional help, especially if self-help is ineffective.
Commitment and anxiety
In addition to the fear caused by insecure attachment, you can feelings of excitement or enthusiasm sometimes frighten a person, to run away from a possible relationship. Because this emotion triggers the same physiological response as anxiety (epinephrine is released in response to exciting and frightening things), it can often be interpreted as a negative emotion.
For example: what might seem like excitement to one person might actually feel like panic or anxiety to another person. This can be very disturbing for someone who wants to experience love, but can't help himself and reacts negatively to the emotions and thoughts he has in him at the moment.
In another form of relationship anxiety, the person wants to have a partner but is unable to balance this desire with their desire for independence. In the end, she may even decide to remain single.
Although these problems are difficult to manage, they can certainly be dealt with productively. Get help if you or someone you know is going through something like this, and know that there are many people who have gone through similar situations. Don't be afraid.
