What do they do differently?
Parents who leave everything to chance and do not make the slightest effort to raise and educate their children are likely to have average-achieving children (or even less than that). But how do parents who have the most successful children raise them? They must have focus, discipline and perseverance. And research has shown that parents of successful children practice some things differently.
They are permanent, good appearance
Consider what kind of future awaits a child or teenager who is up to all the possible challenges they face. How persistent parents are is a good indicator of how persistent their children will be, revealed a study from the University of Pennsylvania and MIT.
They observed 520 four- or five-year-old boys and girls to see how hard they would try to complete a task that their parents had previously performed. They also studied how what parents say to children affects them, how sentences "Persistence and diligence are important in life" affect children. Children were only persistent if their fears also showed that they were willing to work hard to get something done, and if they made it clear how important it is to persevere and not give up when the going gets tough.
They make sure mom is happy
"Happy wife, happy life!" Scientists from the University of Lincoln analyzed all the data obtained from the large Millennium Cohort study, which collected information on 13,000 British couples with children born at the beginning of the 21st century. They were trying to find out how happy couples are with a baby around 9 months old. Then, after 14 years, all the same couples were asked whether they were happy in their marriage or whether it had survived at all, and whether their children had behavioral disorders and how close they were to them as teenagers.
It turns out that the answers to the above questions closely related to the mother's happiness in marriage and less related to the father's happiness. For the survival of the marriage, the mother's marital happiness turned out to be twice as important, and the mother's satisfaction with her life turned out to be very important for the mental health of the teenager. For teenage girls, only mother's happiness was associated with their mental health, father's played no role.
They are interested in what their children are learning at school and what they are doing there
English scientists conducted a study on the connection between parental involvement in school and children's achievements. They found that parents help children the most if they they read from an early age, they are taught letters and numbers, songs, riddles and counting and happily hang out with them over books and show them how important literacy, reading and learning are. When they are older, those children whose parents go with them to science days and they show great interest in what they learn, do in school, and monitor whether they have written their homework and prepared for the knowledge test.
They are taken to a music school where they learn to play an instrument
The universities of Georgia and Alabama studied 2,323 parents of children between the ages of 7 and 17 who were currently taking private music lessons or taking music lessons outside of elementary school. They tried to find out what, according to parents, is the main advantage of learning the piano or other instruments.
- 85 percent of parents found that they were children became more patient and dedicated to completing the task to the end, even when it's hard.
- 83 percent of parents say they have children began to be aware of themselves, their abilities and that they found they could correct their results.
- 71 percent consider that they are children because of music lessons became better at setting tasks, which they have to do before that, and how they have to organize themselves so that they don't waste time and have some left over for other activities.
- 68 percent of parents believe that when children learn to play an instrument, they also learn that they can always finish tasks on time, but not to put them off until tomorrow. They also learn how to use calendars and plan their time to complete their responsibilities on time.
They teach them how to focus and how to avoid various distractions
Nir Eyal, a professor at Stanford University who wrote a book on how to control your attention and choose your life, believes that due to constant digital distractions such as light and sound of various notifications, today the most important thing is to guide children to develop the ability to concentrate. And that's exactly what parents don't teach their children. The key is that parents teach their children early explain why it's important to limit screen time on smart devices and then give them independence in choosing and defining one's own boundaries.
The scientist gave the example of his own daughter. When she was younger, she and her wife explained to her that she needed to limit her time on the tablet if she wanted to go to the pool or hang out with friends. They also explained to her that the authors of the videos and applications that she is so attracted to do so with the intention of tying her to a chair and nailing her to the screen. They then asked her to tell them how much time she spends on the computer or tablet per day. And instead of asking them "all day", she agreed to "twice a day".
It is important that children really understand why they need to limit screen time and set clear boundaries that they will stick to without constant arguments. "It is important that these are their own rules, that they determine for themselves, that they are not 'imposed' on them and that they themselves monitor their implementation," explains Eyal.
