"Pain purifies love, makes it real, authentic, pure. Besides, it removes everything that is not love." – Carlo Carretto
When they met, her world became perfect. The sky was bluer, the stars shone even brighter. From the moment she met him, she knew she was born to love him.
She was caught in his gaze, in the curve of his smile, to overlook the wickedness in his soul. She forgot that she needs to get to know him first, slowly trust him and not rush into continuing the relationship.
It seemed to her that she had put herself back together from the broken pieces, that she had become in love again, happy. Little did she know then that her heart would soon be broken again.
And he, her love, her man, will be the reason she feels like she can never love again. She didn't know then, she knows now.
She realized that she was just a puppet, a pawn in his evil game, that she was just a woman he used, lied to and ignored. He prepared her to trust him like no one else. She told him many things.
When everything went his way, it was good, if not, it was bad. Either he was ignoring her or hard words were falling. But she didn't care. She let him very close to her, she let him into her heart, until she realized that he would destroy her. That he played her.
She was angry with herself for letting this happen.
Angry that she loved him, that she let him destroy her emotionally. She thought about him for months and wondered why. Thinking about the times they shared together made her feel like she couldn't breathe.
She loved him no matter what he did to her, he said. Love was destroying her instead of making her feel complete.
He made her weak in the moments when she wanted to be strong. He made her cry when she wanted to laugh.
No one knew what was going on inside her. No one saw her sorrow. They only saw her smile, her mask behind which she hid her pain. No one saw her bruises, wounds and scars on her heart.
He betrayed her. He took her for granted and used every confided word about her painful past against her by hurting her in the present.
He never appreciated her, he didn't want to see her as one of the few people who loved him, who would go to the ends of the earth for him and stand up for him when everyone turned their backs on him. Instead, he emotionally manipulated her.
From every downfall in life, good things eventually come... but not for him, for her. She is no longer in his armor, in his narcissistic embrace. And she knows that she will find someone who will love her and accept her for who she is.
Someone to pick up the pieces of her heart that were scattered around. Someone who will lift her up, give her a hand, so that she will stand up, that she will fall in love again, that she will believe in love again. Someone who made her laugh and she would laugh with him like she had never laughed with anyone before. Someone who will cherish the time he spends with her and consider spending every available moment with her.
Someone who will be a priority in his busy schedule, even if he will just send her a kiss on the phone. Someone who will kiss her nose, who will love every inch of her body. Someone who will fall in love with her because he will believe that she is trustworthy.
She will find someone who won't cause her pain and who will show her her true colors, her true self. Someone who will show her what it means to be a real man, a man who will love her as she is, imperfectly.
His behavior made her realize that from now on she should take her infatuation and partnership more carefully and slowly, trust her instincts. Now she knows that she is strong within herself and that she must never give up on herself and allow herself to lose herself in a relationship. Now she also knows what life is like without him. And life is beautiful.
She wished she could say thank you for being a part of his life, but that would be a lie. She just wants to thank him for being the lesson she needed to learn so she can love a real man today.
