"Life is not made of wishes, but of the actions of each of us!" - Paulo Coelho
A blocker, an expert in interpersonal relations Selma June he knows how to deal with the good and bad sides of the human mind by studying patterns of behavior in relationships. Here is her vision of soul mates.
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As little girls, my best friends and I dreamed of love. Once a month we met at one of our houses and talked about what we want to be when we grow up. One wanted to be a lawyer, another a teacher, the next a doctor, and I wanted to be a writer. And of course we all wanted to be happily in love.
We dreamed of a prince charming riding in on his white horse and everything would suddenly be perfect. We were obsessed with romantic movies. Our hearts melted every time we saw a man and a woman who fell in love at first sight. You know when you literally run into each other. Her books fall to the floor, he helps her pick them up, and when their eyes meet, they can't take their eyes off each other. Time stands still in that moment and you know that this is what you are meant to do. Whatever happens from this point forward doesn't really matter. They will go through dozens of obstacles, but eventually they will live a happy life.
Why? Because they are soul mates. They are meant to be together, and everything else is completely irrelevant.
We foolishly wanted the same love. In fact, we thought that this is the only thing that counts, that we will not be happy and satisfied with everything else. We didn't want to settle for a romance without fireworks. We wanted butterflies fluttering in our bellies and a roller coaster of emotions raging inside us.
More than twenty years later, we met again and reminisced. We remembered our wishes and dreams. Did any of them turn into reality? No. Has anyone found their soul mate? No.
And you know why? Because soulmates are overrated. In fact, I'm not even sure they exist. As I get older, I'm more and more convinced that this is nothing more than a Hollywood fiction, that soul mates are made up by some producer or writer who has run out of ideas to make his work interesting.
Let's forget fairy tales and turn to real life. You know what counts here? Effort, commitment, connection and compatibility. Every healthy relationship is based on this. These are things you need to work on. They don't just appear out of nowhere or fall from the sky.
For romance to work, it's not enough to like a random man on the street. It's not enough to feel the butterflies having a party in your stomach. Chemistry is important. However, even this is not the key and is not enough to build a relationship.
You have to fight for true love. I'm talking about everyday battles that seem completely unimportant and uninteresting, but are actually the most important. I'm talking about fighting your differences, housework, finances, mother-in-law, father-in-law, children who refuse to listen, and many other seemingly insignificant things.
It takes a lot of effort to make a relationship work. And your romantic relationship is no exception. It won't be all magical and perfect just because they match in space. And nowhere does it say that they will live happily ever after.
When the movie ends and the woman and man kiss at the altar, you think that this is it - their battles are over and they will just enjoy love for the rest of their lives. Well, the truth is just the opposite. In fact, that's when the real battles begin. The fight to keep their love, their relationship strong, and to pick themselves up again every time they fall and be even stronger together.
A lifelong struggle. Only when you win this war will you understand that it is important to find your "forever" person and not your soul mate.
