One of the most popular characters in modern children's literature, Albus Dumbledore, said that it is difficult to defy enemies, but it takes just as much courage to defy friends. How difficult it is sometimes to set boundaries with those close to us is especially well understood by all those whose most natural role is to please others. In the long run, excessive helpfulness is very harmful to our psychological health. How to learn to say no, even if you like to please others? You can find some tips in this article.
How to learn to say no, even if you like to please others? While you might think this isn't even a problem (after all, you probably have tons of friends and rarely get into fights), it is in the long run, the inability to set one's own boundaries and following your wishes very much harmful to both our psychological health and our relationships. Setting boundaries and sayings is not a key component of a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Altruism and giving need their counterbalance. Something advice, how to say no, you can read here.
Understand your limits.
The first step to being able to say no is to understand your limits and allow them to exist. We all have an internal compass, but for some it is clearer and for others it is somewhat blurred by the expectations of others, past experiences and the fear of rejection if we do not please. However, with practice, this compass can become increasingly visible. It is also very important not to deny your boundaries and to understand that they are important and are there for a reason. It can also help you with this this TEDx clip.
Learn to tolerate the unpleasant reactions of others.
Especially if you've been in the role of someone who always pleases others for a long time, your attempt to set boundaries will be met with disapproval or some similar unpleasant reaction from some people. However, in the long run, keeping boundaries can have a positive effect on your relationships with other people. People will also believe you more that when you say yes, you really mean it, because otherwise they would be able to say no. This brings a new layer of trust and closeness to the relationship.
Be gentle with yourself.
You deserve to treat yourself with the same tenderness, indulgence and understanding as others. Yes, that's easier said than done. You can start by consciously taking a few hours a week for yourself. Then do what fills you with energy and allows you to get in touch with yourself (this can be a walk in the forest, yoga, jogging, reading your favorite book, playing with your puppy, etc.).
