"People do not see the beauty of this world because they are blinded by their passions and mistakes. That is why they are more distant from each other than the stars." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Many believe that infidelity is black and white. But in reality, things are rarely that simple. Sometimes infidelity can fall into a gray area. Infidelity is often not just about one person getting involved with someone else and having sex with them, i.e. with someone who is not their partner. There are plenty of other activities that can be viewed as cheating even when there is no physical contact.
For example, did you know that sending a social media friend request to an ex is considered emotional cheating?
According to the psychologist Aria Tuckman are some of the activities that can fall into the gray area of cheating, next:
- searching for an attractive colleague on social networks
- kiss your friend on the cheek (especially if you don't normally do this)
- lunch with an attractive friend without a partner
- long chats with a friend that you don't tell your partner about
- share intimate details with someone
- you talk about sexual fantasies with another person.
Can you look your partner in the eye and tell them you just checked, say, your co-worker's Instagram? Is there a proper way to tell your partner that you discussed your intimate fantasies with someone other than them? These and similar activities in themselves do not pose a serious problem. But they can awaken the tendency to real problems in the relationship. A simple chat with a coworker you find attractive can lead to an emotional connection, especially if something is lacking in the relationship you have with your partner.
There is a huge difference between calling a co-worker to talk to them about a project you're working on and using the project as an excuse to call the co-worker. Sometimes your partner may feel emotionally betrayed by your behavior. If you don't want him to feel that way, it's best to avoid such situations. But in reality, it is not as easy as it sounds.
Many people don't realize it, but clarity or openness is a powerful tool in such complex situations.
If you believe there is nothing for your partner to worry about, be clear with them. Tell him how you really feel. Hiding little things from him can lead to lies and serious complications, which can easily be avoided by being open from the beginning. If you feel that something is missing in your relationship, talk about it with your partner instead of talking about it with someone else. If you don't feel happy in your relationship, tell him instead of filling yourself with negative emotions.
Don't shut your partner out of your emotional problems because you think it would be better for them or you, because it won't be.
If they accuse you of cheating, try to remain calm and listen to their concerns. Do your best to understand why they feel the way they do. Think of the situation as a project that requires serious partnership and a lot of empathy. The journey may be difficult, but it will be worth it because you will both realize what you need to work on to strengthen your bond again.
If you are struggling to decide on the next step in improving your relationship, it may be helpful to ask friends or family for advice. You will see things from a different perspective and maybe change your perspective on your problems. They may see things they couldn't see before. But you shouldn't let others decide the fate of your relationship. Listen to yourself.
When it comes to infidelity, it's up to the couple to figure out how to deal with the challenges. The story is almost never black and white. It always has more than one side and all sides must be considered. If you do your best to build a strong bond and trust with each other, you will both feel comfortable and feel comfortable discussing your problems.
