"A particle of love can be like a drop of knowledge that gives a flower the strength to rise again. I believe in the power of love. Love is the only key that opens the gates of paradise." - Phil Bosmans
When your heart breaks, you experience it as the collapse of your hopes, dreams, plans. When you lose love, it takes a long time to put yourself back together. You promise yourself that you won't be so stupid as to never miss the signs again. To make you wiser, smarter and more patient.
Slowly build your confidence and feel the joy of life and enter into a new relationship. But things get out of hand again and you find yourself in the same or a similar situation. Your heart is broken – again.
You can't believe what happened to you and how you let it happen. And then you realize a few things.
Pain is inevitable
A broken heart hurts, always. No matter how mature and experienced you are. You may need less time to recover, but you will have to accept pain as a part of love and life. You will cry again and again… and again. But you won't try to defend yourself against the pain. You will get over your grief, understand why you failed (again) and become a bit more mature and wiser.
You can see the pattern
Although you wanted to avoid the mistakes you made in your previous relationship, it seems you made them again. Probably already at the beginning when choosing a partner. Maybe you fell in love again with an emotionally unavailable person in the same way. To someone who has a lot of problems and you tried to help them, but ended up hurting you in the same way that your previous partner did.
So it's not up to them, it's up to you. You repeat patterns. You are ready to face this discovery to find out where this pattern is coming from so that you can destroy it.
The feeling of being loved depends on the language of love
Everyone has their own love language, and if the other person doesn't speak it, you won't understand each other. You will never feel loved and protected unless it is given to you in a way that is meaningful to you and touches your heart.
If you understand that there are different love languages, you have the opportunity to learn another language as well. Maybe your partner didn't feel loved either, because you didn't express your love in a way they understand. Meeting your loved one involves learning their love language, and even if you never speak it fluently, you will know what to do or say to give your loved one what they need. The language of love is part of communication and you both need to master it.
You will not lose yourself
You may feel that this has already happened because you have been overwhelmed by the power and will of the interlocutor, you have submitted and adapted and neglected most of the things that are important to you. This is the part of falling in love that must be overcome, because only two wholes and their own persons can truly belong to each other, decisively, responsibly and with full consciousness. When you love someone, you must not neglect to love yourself.
If your new love reminds you of your old one, run away
It will take you some time to realize that your partner looks a lot like your ex, and it's not a physical resemblance. But a person associated with repeating a pattern. You may find that the new partner drinks too much like the previous one, has poor communication (not only with you), has problems with trust and responsibility. Of course, the relationship will end according to the same principle, for the same reasons. If you see this from the start, run away before you get too involved.
Choose love
Once you uncover your patterns, discard romantic illusions, and get to know yourself better, you're ready to choose love responsibly. This is not a decision you will make once and for all, because there will still be many falls and temptations. You will choose love over and over again, preferably every morning as soon as you get up – love for yourself.
