Why do you treat strangers differently than the ones you love? How can you change this?
Yours behavior changes according to the society of people, which is around you, and sometimes you don't even realize it. It exists research, which explains the hidden mechanisms in the brain that control what you do and what you say. After three decades of researching aggression and anger through various interpersonal relationships, she is a psychologist Deborah South Richardson found out why behavior varies depending on the kind of people around you and what prompts such changes in behavior. It turned out that we most often argue with people who are close to us.
Here are three reasons why we are human often kinder to strangers than to those we love.
1. You believe that your relationship is strong enough to withstand anything
You spend a large part of your time with strangers, people you meet by chance. Be it at work, school, the store, wherever, and that's when you put it on "lucky mask", so that others see you in the best light. You are kinder, more polite, simply because you want to please them or make a good impression. But when you get home, relax because you feel safe in the company of the people you love. You are who you are with them, which means you show them all sides of your character, including the bad ones.
Research confirms that you can unconsciously "release" your anger on people close to you. Mainly because you believe that your relationship with them is strong enough to withstand many things. The closer you get to someone and trust them, the better you feel and because of this you think you can push the limits in the relationship, even in a negative direction (insulting, ignoring...).
2. You feel insecure about showing yourself in the right light among strangers
You don't show your true colors when you meet new people. They don't see the real version of you until you reach a point where you develop a deeper connection with them. Even if something about them bothers you, don't worry about it.
But this does not apply to the people who are closest to you. Conversely, when your loved ones do something that bothers you, you feel safe enough to respond. The closer you are, the more likely you will be more open to the things you don't like about them. You have a solid relationship that you know you won't jeopardize, destroy, lose, even if you ever fall out.
3. You don't tolerate the negative qualities of the people you spend the most time with
You will suddenly start hating certain qualities of your partner, best friend, people close to you. You will stop tolerating the things that bothered you from the beginning. The more time you spend with someone, the less tolerant you are of their negative qualities. This doesn't happen with strangers because you don't spend enough time with them to develop your distaste for them. If something bothers you about them, you won't tell them because you know you won't spend much time with them.
Now that we know the reasons, check below what you can do to prevent this behavior in the future!
- Take time for yourself. If you spend too much time with those closest to you, you become less and less tolerant of their shortcomings. Taking time for yourself, time to reflect, will allow you to consider the relationship from a different perspective and appreciate the good in them and the relationship.
- Spend time with your loved ones in the company of other people. When you are in the company of people with whom you have short and superficial contact, you behave more politely and kindly, even towards your loved ones.
By realizing why you behave the way you do, you can control your reactions and react differently next time, and above all, appreciate the people who are in your life, with you every day. Whoever accepts and loves you for who you are will love you even when you are angry and impossible. Fortunately!
