"I will always love you - while dancing, singing, reading, working, planning, arguing. I will love you when you are bored and tired, brave and scared, joyful, timid and triumphant. I will love you in all weathers and despite all changes. " - Pam Brown
I fought my battles quietly. People always thought I was doing well because I was smiling most of the time. No one knew that I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I wondered where and how it could all have gone wrong. I thought that maybe I wasn't worthy of love at all, or that I was a terrible person who pushed away all the people who loved me.
When I closed my eyes, I felt everything. I saw all the traumas, painful goodbyes, broken friendships, unexpected deaths, rejections. The pain was eating me up. I thought there was no way out. But that was before I decided to prioritize myself and recognized my worth.
I tried to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together. And then he came and changed my life.
I tried to push him away in every way I knew how. Given the fact that it was the only thing I was incredibly good at, I thought he would get tired and leave like everyone else. Is not it.
He came into my life without me knowing that he was actually saving me from the craziness and chaos I was dealing with. It seemed to me that his love was like easy breathing. He made me feel that his love is as certain as the morning that wakes up every day.
For the first time, I felt what it was like to be treated with respect. That someone listens and hears me. Sometimes we just sat in silence. He kept surprising me with my favorite flowers. Sometimes he would come running no matter where or who he was with, just to be with me when I was having doubts.
Even though I became stronger, I never thought I needed someone to hold my hand whenever I doubted myself. I loved when he hugged me when I felt hopeless and kissed me on the forehead and hugged me when I thought about giving up.
He made sure that I would never again have to fight my silent battles - alone, and promised to protect me at all times.
After all the pain and sleepless nights, everything made sense to me again. Now I completely understand why I had to go through all the heartache and why I had to wait. Timing really is everything.
Choosing me was the best decision I ever made in my life. She allowed me to see my worth. Now I know that I never need to settle for someone just to not be alone.
I realized what I truly deserve and that led me to be with a man who knows exactly how to be loved.
I am grateful to experience the kind of love I never imagined I would ever have. I hope you find it too.
