"They say love is blind. Is it? In fact, nothing on earth is as clairvoyant as love. It's not love that's blind, it's attachment." - Anthony de Mello
The only definite thing about life is that it is in constant motion - days pass, seasons change, people leave. Sometimes life takes them from us, sometimes they decide to leave on their own. Sometimes they leave without an explanation, without a word - they just disappear. But there are also situations where people leave because it's better that way.
Let's be honest, there are people we are better off without because they only bring negativity into our lives. Other people want to comfort us with many shallow phrases that do not bring us comfort, because all that they say - "You're better off without him", "He didn't deserve you", "He'll regret it one day" - we already know. But it doesn't really matter at all, because when someone leaves, especially if it's for the better, we're not burdened with what that person feels, but with what we feel. We miss someone who didn't really deserve to be missed.
There are a million reasons why we love someone. Perhaps because of his embrace with which we fall asleep, because of the security and comfort he provides us, because of his gaze that reaches to our very core. The reasons why we miss someone are mostly related to the reason why we love that person - because of the good feeling they gave us, because of the memories we don't want to give up.
When we are abandoned by someone who has treated us badly or hurt us - emotionally or mentally - there is a form of disconnection between the brain and the heart that can often be painfully confusing.
How is it possible that we miss someone who is associated only with suffering in our memories? At that moment, the brain takes over and we ask ourselves: "Am I really that confused that I really want to go back to the person who hurt me?". And the heart, as far as we know, has no simple answer to that.
Maybe we miss someone who doesn't deserve it because we want to know if he would have been a better person someday, or if he would have loved us the way we loved him. Showed us that he cared about us as much as we cared about him/her. We may be connected to fond memories that have become a lifeboat in an ocean of disappointment.
It is important to know that missing someone who hurt us does not mean that we are masochists or that we have become a different person because of it. This only emphasizes the fact that our love for this person was too good.
And that's why we allow ourselves to miss someone. Although he doesn't deserve it. Let's miss him because, whether the memories are good or bad, he was a real part of our lives.
