The lies that couples tell each other can be completely innocent, or they can be used to ensure a calm sea in the relationship. These can be lies with which we want to protect our partner's feelings or white lies that balance the discrepancies between the partners' needs. But they are also more malicious.
According to a 2013 study published in the journal Communication Sciences, these lies are not the same as the everyday lies we know. The study identified four main reasons why we tell these lies to our partners, leading to a mix of sweet little lies and others that aren't so nice.
Photo: Unsplash/Jonas WeckschmiedMaintaining a relationship
One of the main reasons why partners lie to each other is to maintain the relationship. Some partners sometimes tell white lies to avoid conflict or ease tension. However, these types of lies sometimes lead to negative emotions such as jealousy in order to make themselves feel better. In some cases, one partner tells a lie to avoid conflict or arguments, while in others, small lies help maintain a pleasant atmosphere and avoid unpleasant topics. Some also use untruths to instill guilt in their partner and thereby achieve their own ends.
Self-esteem protection
Some forms of deception serve to protect self-image. “Self-esteem” refers to our (or our partner's) need to feel respected, included and valued. Essentially, these lies are told in hopes of protecting one's or a partner's feelings—especially in situations where the truth might be painful or uncomfortable. In this way, we can lie to create a better image of ourselves or to protect our partner's feelings from the possible negative consequences of the truth. We can also fold with the intention of avoiding certain activities that we do not want to do.
Photo: Unsplash/Jordan BauerResolving tension
Sometimes we lie in the hope of balancing the discrepancies between our needs, wants or expectations and our partner's. When we want something and our partner wants something else, a white lie can help tilt things in our favor. Thus, one of the partners may conspire to avoid revealing information that the other desperately wants to know.
Establishing control
Some of the 'innocent' lies that couples tell each other are more malicious in nature. These forms of deception are intended to gain an advantage over the other, but they can also be a way to make a partner feel bad or — more maliciously — to overtly control their thoughts or actions. One such example is the induction of guilt, as some lies serve to make the partner feel bad or to make him feel guilty.
