Even though it makes them feel terrible and their hearts are broken - they do it. They gather their courage and leave.
Legal advisor Justice Schanfarber presented his views on why a woman leaves the man she loves, which he gained through years of counseling.
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Even though it makes them feel terrible and their hearts are broken - they do it. They gather their courage and leave. Women leave the men with whom they have children, home and life.
Women leave for many reasons, but one reason in particular haunts me that I want men to understand - women leave because their man is not present. He works, plays golf, games, watches TV… the list goes on.
These are not bad men. They are good people. They are good fathers. They support the family. They are kind, likeable, but they take their woman for granted. They are not present.
Women in my office tell me: "Some other man could come and conquer me, right in front of my husband. I wouldn't even notice." Sometimes this realization scares them. Sometimes it makes them cry.
I'm not saying this is true or not. I say what I see. You can be as angry, hurt or offended as you want. Your wife is not your property. He doesn't owe you his soul. You have to earn it. Day by day, moment by moment.
You deserve it, especially with your presence, with your liveliness. He must feel it. She wants to talk to you about what's important to her and she wants to feel that you hear her. You don't just nod politely. This does not reassure her.
She wants you to feel her. He doesn't want absent groping or quick sex. He wants to feel your passion. Do you feel your passion? Can you show it to her? Not just a passion for her or for sex…a passion for life. Do you have it?
It's the most attractive thing you can have. Passion for life. If you lost it, what is the reason? Where did she go? Find her. If you've never discovered it, you're living on borrowed time.
When you are with your wife, try to listen to her. Does your mind wander? Pay attention. When you look at her, how deep do you see her? Look again, look deeper. Meet her gaze, catch it and hold it longer than usual. Longer than you're comfortable with. If she asks you what you are doing, tell her: "I'm watching you. I'm watching you. I want to see you. After all these years, I still want to know who you are.” But only tell her that if you mean it, if you know it's true.
Touch her with your full attention. Before you put your hand on hers, notice the feeling in your hand. Consider what happens the moment you make contact. What's going on in your body? What do you feel? Do you notice your subtle feelings and emotions? Describe to her every moment what you notice.
But, you don't do that, do you? You are busy. You don't have time for all that. How about five minutes? Five minutes a day. Will you take the time? I'm not talking about extravagant dinners or nights out (although that's fine too).
I'm talking about five minutes a day in which you will devote yourself fully and completely to her. You will be 100% present and your thoughts will only be with the woman you share your life with. Be completely open - talk, listen and see without judgement.
Will you do that? I believe that once you start, once you taste it, you won't want to stop!
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The gender dynamic described above is reversible, meaning it can go both ways. Both men and women need to realize that our partner needs our full attention, he needs those five minutes a day.
