Arguments between partners are completely normal, as they are different people, each with their own egos, thoughts and opinions. But the goal of an argument is not to get a winner and a loser. There are always two winners in a healthy relationship.
How to behave after an argument? Here are 10 reactions to avoid, whether you're convinced you're right or playing the victim.
1. Don't ignore your partner after an argument
That is the most common mistake, which we make. It's perfectly normal to want some peace after an argument to sort out your thoughts and feelings. But if you need space and time for yourself, it's very important to tell your partner that without acting like your partner doesn't exist. American psychologist Rachel A. Susman claims that she often encounters the "cold stone" syndrome in her therapies. The problem arises because it has the partner feels that the other is ignoring him and that his feelings are not important. During the dead silence, you will almost certainly not find a solution to the problem, besides, the nervousness will only increase, and the same problem will surely come up again sooner or later.
2. Don't use his word against him
Whatever the partner says in the argument, it has to stay there. Don't repeat to him over and over again what he once said and to him make you feel guilty. If your partner tells you something that hurt you, him you need to say this right away during the fight, not afterwards.
3. Don't say "sorry" if you don't mean it
If you say the word "I'm sorry", you really have to feel it. If you don't really mean it, but say it, it comes across as disinterested in solving problems, you're really not communicating anything other than: "I said it, now leave me alone!” So if you want to sincerely apologize, say exactly what you are sorry for, and say that you will behave differently in the future.
4. If your partner tries to tell you something else, don't turn your back on him
dr. Golland, a psychologist from Los Angeles who helps couples in constructive effective communication, warns that it is non-verbal communication stronger than electricity. If you happen to leave in the middle of an argument, stop, confess and wait for your partner's confession as well. Show that you are trying to understand what your partner is telling you, if you don't understand, stop them and ask them again. The goal for both is to find a solution and reconcile.
5. Don't waste energy negotiating who started the fight
Instead, it would be better invest this energy in finding a solution to the problem. The difference between a good and a bad argument is whether the partners find a solution in the end or not. If the same problem occurs repeatedly, ask your partner if there is any reason why this is happening. Do not attack him by saying: "You did it again!"
6. Don't "bite yourself" because you had an argument
An argument is proof that you are still working on your relationship and looking for a solution. This is a positive thing. If you are already arguing, do it constructively and remember that the goal is to find a solution to the problem and not to persist in the argument.
7. Don't engage in "soothing sex" if you don't really want it
When the fight is over and you have said "sorry" to each other, it may happen that he wants something more from you, and at that moment you think: "You must be joking." dr. Holland warns that men often want some kind of confirmation that the problem is solved. If you're really not ready for sex right now, tell your partner you're not in the mood. Hug him, kiss him and postpone sex until tomorrow. Do not reject it without explanation.
8. Don't make excuses for an argument
Various things can contribute to the start of a particular fight: a bad day at work, a headache, a sleepless night, etc. But in reality it does the argument happens because of a lack of information. You assume that if you're angry, hurt, or sad, your partner should know. He doesn't know! If you have a bad day the next day, tell your partner right away.
9. Don't say: "I didn't think so."
If one of the partners utters this sentence, he will most likely hear: "You are! If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't say it!” And again the vicious circle will begin, what someone thought and what not, instead of focusing on solving the problem.
10. Don't hit back
Even though you're still angry with your partner, don't allow yourself to hit back. In addition, choose your words. Be ready to compromise. You're not always right.
Take your share of responsibility for what happened. In an argument, it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong, but that it is partners agree on key things. Be ready to apologize for mistakes, for which you feel responsible, and se learn to accept and listen to your partner's apology.
