Beauty is in imperfection.
People occasionally question partnerships. In the relationship between the partners. To a partner. They wonder if it is what it should be. There is nothing wrong with that, as you and your partner come from different families, perhaps even from different social backgrounds.
Let's look at the scientific aspects of why some couples defy stereotypes and are still happy.
1. They don't talk much
"They can be in silence for a long time. Don't feel uncomfortable if you don't have to talk all the time." he says dr. Roni Beth. He believes that couples who can be quiet and enjoy each other's silence have a very special connection.
"Being happy in "uncomfortable" silence is actually a truly loving silence."
2. They go on vacation separately
The number of people who go to holidays without partners, is increasing. Did you know that such a vacation can strengthen your relationship? If you truly love your partner, you will miss them, but at the same time you can do whatever you want. For example, you can visit a massage parlor while your partner enjoys cycling somewhere.
"Last summer I needed a rest, but my husband couldn't take time off. I spent the morning walking in nature. I ate in restaurants and shopped for myself and not for my children. It was probably the most relaxing day off in a long time. I focused on myself and enjoyed every moment of the day. It was my time. And I think every married couple needs a break from time to time without the other, even if it's just for a day."
3. Your partner doesn't spend time with your family
It is good if your parents and partner get along well. It's much less pleasant if they don't like each other. It doesn't have to cause conflict between you. They agree that he doesn't need to participate in family dinners with his parents, but he still has to respect them. As soon as possible, you need to determine the basic ones the rules.
"Don't try to turn your parents against your partner and use them as a weapon to control him."
4. They have different views and interests
dr. Mark White believes that people overemphasize the value of similar hobbies. Psychologist Diane Barth believes that most need someone who is different.
"My partner and I don't like the same music, art, books or hobbies. But we agree on the essentials, because he understands my ambition and knows that I'm not a housewife - he understands the things that are important."
"If you find someone who agrees with everything and is exactly like you, I would find it quite boring. I want a woman who will be me
brought me to new places and showed me new things and introduced me to new foods. I don't want a twin.”
5. They often argue
dr. Elizabeth Dorrance it says that the people we love receive most of our negative emotions. On the other hand, conflicts are good for relationships because they show that both of you need to change something. It is important to be able to end conflicts positively and admit your mistakes.
"Regardless of whether I'm angry, I'll make dinner for my wife anyway, otherwise I'm angry, even though I don't want to eat. No matter how angry we get at each other (usually only for a short time), we will never be disrespectful. Over time we apologize to each other. Arguments and anger are just part of a relationship. How you deal with them separates a healthy relationship from a bad one.”
6. Don't try to please each other
Don't do things for a partner he doesn't like just to please him. Do what you don't like together. Psychologist Atalanta Beaumont, it is against pleasing the partners in everything. He also adds that if someone tries to help/please someone too much, it may be because in childhood his efforts were not rewarded or he felt that he was not good enough.
"If you try to please everyone, you end up sacrificing your own needs. You can't make everyone happy, and if you could, that would be worrying.”
7. They sleep separately
You sleep separately because one of you snores in your sleep and the other wakes up at the slightest noise. Psychologist Katherine Schreiber says that today more and more couples are sleeping apart. Scientists from Ohio University, among others, also prove that healthy sleep is much more beneficial for a relationship than co-sleeping with disturbing factors.
"We haven't been able to sleep in the same bed for years. It caused a lot of friction between us. When we started sleeping separately, we became a better couple. A good night's rest can do wonders. We are laughing again, we are more relaxed. In the evening, we quietly say goodnight to each other and go to separate rooms."
8. They have no children
If you both accept this fact, that's good. Psychologists it is said that couples without children are often happier than those who have children.
"We usually break up our work routine with trips. We take a breather, clear our heads. On weekends, the husband plays in a band. I myself am a volunteer at an animal shelter. If I had children, I probably wouldn't have as much freedom and time to follow our interests and passions.”
9. You spend less time together than you want
They don't get to spend much time together, but don't worry about that; you trust your partner and are sure of his feelings. Of course, it is important to spend some time together, but according to opinion psychologists what matters more is how you spend it. Doing something together should make both partners happy.
"Very early on, I felt that at times his thoughts were elsewhere. I never mentioned it to him, but I felt he was distancing himself, and I respected that without question. Later, he sent me a handful of messages saying that he had been distant and that he missed me.”
10. They take a long time to accept each other
We all have faults and sometimes it takes a while for people to accept them. Psychologists they say accepting people doesn't mean you have to agree with what they do. Acceptance is agreeing with reality without trying to change it.
"My partner grew up in a completely different environment. But we have a lot of ideas in common. He thought I was going to leave him because he was taught to eat everything on the plate. But we made a compromise and now store leftovers in the refrigerator."
11. They express their feelings in different ways
You may have different ideas about how to express your feelings. For one of you, words are important, for the other, actions, hugs and other things are important.
"It is important to know how someone expresses and receives signs of love most easily. Many men are physical lovers, meaning that signs of affection are best received through physical affection, such as a kiss or a hug. Others feel better when they have a conversation that makes them feel valued.”
