An honest and painful realization through the eyes of a man.
There's no point in denying it anymore. I finally realized that I was no longer attracted to women.
Keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship is not easy, it is hard work. Unfortunately, I apparently failed to do so. To be honest, I don't know what I did wrong. I just want to know what made her change her feelings about me.
Above all, I would like her to admit it to me and tell me the exact moment when she realized that she was no longer attracted to me. Although I have come to terms with this sad fact, I still don't have the courage to confront her about it. At the end of the day, I still love her and I honestly don't want our marriage to end.
We spent so many years together. We created so many beautiful memories together. No matter what happens in the future with our marriage, I will always cherish these beautiful and memorable moments.
But a few questions keep running through my head. Is it possible to fix a broken relationship? Will we manage to fix and save our marriage after all? Will I be able to win her heart again? How to save a marriage?
I have the same answer to all these questions - I don't know. I really don't know. All I had left was the hope that even though I wasn't attracted to her anymore, that she hadn't stopped loving me.
I know that feelings can change, but it is very difficult to accept that one moment you and your partner are completely in love and madly attracted to each other, and the next moment all that attraction wanes and disappears, just like that for no reason.
I know that the honeymoon phase cannot last forever, and respect, love and support in a relationship or marriage must last forever.
I've put together a list of obvious signs that I'm not attracted to a woman anymore, in hopes that this will help someone and save their marriage before it's too late.
In order to have and maintain a healthy relationship, both partners must put effort into this relationship and fight for it together. It's very hard to admit and it hurts, but I realized and finally came to terms with the fact that my wife simply opted out of our marriage.
1. Lack of communication
One of the foundations for a healthy relationship is good and effective communication. Without it, it is difficult to maintain a good relationship. We almost completely stopped communicating. I really try to initiate communication, talk about some trivial things, but I feel like I'm disturbing her or she's bored with me.
Ineffective and unhealthy communication always leads to misunderstandings and arguments between partners. If you are not dealing with a lack of communication in your marriage, you should have confronted your wife a long time ago. I'm not saying you should fight her; but to discuss and agree on it.
2. I feel that we are slowly drifting apart
I know my wife and I feel that she has become very distant. Sometimes I think she can't stand being in the same room with me. We barely talk at all. His love life also suffers.
We don't spend enough quality time together. We became roommates, we just live together and that's it. I can't remember the last time we said a simple I love you. Even when I say I feel like a fool because he only gives me a half smile and turns to the other side of the bed.
3. Romance has left our marriage
We never date again and it's really not my fault. I'm the one who always suggests to her that we go out or do something new together. But she always has some excuse ready to reject me.
In the beginning of our marriage, she always tried to surprise me with some romantic dinner dates or some cute little things, and I knew she wouldn't always be so romantic, but all that has stopped completely now. I tried a few times to surprise her with a gift or her favorite meal, but nothing worked. She wasn't surprised at all. She even got mad at me in some of these situations.
Romance is what keeps the spark in a relationship going. When she leaves your marriage, the spark will also leave and your relationship will be irreparable.
4. Takes everything for granted
She was always a woman of action; she hated words. I always knew that if I wanted to show her how much I loved her, I had to express it through my actions. I wanted to bring the old spark back into our marriage and I tried to surprise her many times, but it was like she didn't care about all the things I did for her.
I stopped trying for a while because I saw that it meant nothing to her. Now she does everything herself. Before, we were both involved in our decision making processes and she would never do anything without consulting me first.
Now it's like she's stopped involving me in her life and she's stopped messing with mine. Her priorities have changed and I'm definitely not at the top of that list anymore.
5. She became disrespectful
Every relationship should be based on mutual respect. When you truly love someone, you don't want to be disrespectful to them because you know how it would hurt them. Taking your partner's opinions into account when planning the future and consulting about some important things is a very good sign of respect.
A simple thank you, then when you do something nice for them, it's a sign that they respect you and don't take you for granted. In a good and healthy marriage, there should be no secrets between the partners. I noticed that my wife started hiding some things from me and this was the first sign of disrespect.
Sometimes I really feel like he hates me and sees me as his worst enemy.
6. He goes to bed before me every night
I remember how we cuddled in front of the fireplace or watched movies every night. This was my favorite part of the day. Now that too has changed. After they eat dinner, he watches a little TV and goes to bed much earlier.
I feel like he's running away. She doesn't want us to be close and this is the best way to avoid it because she doesn't have the strength to reject me directly.
7. He seems to be somewhere else while we're making love
As I said before, our love life is also suffering. We hardly ever make love anymore, and even when we do, she seems cold and disconnected. I just don't know how to get her in the mood anymore. I've also stopped triggering it because it feels like I'm forcing it and I'd never really do that.
For me, connection and closeness are important when it comes to physical intimacy. You can't improve one without improving the other. If you feel like your partner is disconnected while you're intimate, it's probably because they're focusing on something else. They are there physically, but both emotionally and mentally they are in a completely different place.
8. She becomes emotionally unavailable
The worst part for me is that I can't reach her no matter how hard I try. She has become a closed person and I just can't get through to her. Every time I want to talk about our marriage and our feelings, every time I ask her if everything is okay, I get a short answer and we soon end the conversation.
We had a very good emotional connection. First we were best friends, then lovers and romantic partners. I knew her deepest and darkest secrets, just as she knew mine.
Basically, we talked about everything. If either of us were upset or angry about something, we would always find a way to talk about those things.
9. Arguing over stupid things is now her passion
Sometimes I can't even remember what we were arguing about, because arguments over some stupid, trivial things have become part of everyday life.
Like they wish they could be mad at each other all the time. I always tell her that whatever the problem, we can solve it with good and healthy communication. But no, he no longer believes in it. Now she's just looking for reasons to argue with me.
10. He's in a bad mood all the time, but only when he's with me
She is nice when we have guests, but as soon as they leave, that other moody woman comes back.
He blames me for everything bad that happens to us. She is never happy with my behavior or the way I treat her. Everything bothers her, even things that are not important at all.
11. She has become a real pro at changing the subject
For me, the problem is not that he doesn't initiate communication anymore, but that he avoids talking to me. Every time I ask her what's going on and why she's so distant, she changes the subject and starts talking about something else.
I feel like she still cares about me and doesn't want to admit that her feelings for me have changed because she knows it would hurt me. That's the only logical explanation I can think of for her behavior right now.
12. She is no longer loving
Would you believe me if I told you that she completely forgot my last birthday? She didn't buy me anything, she didn't make me a birthday cake and she always did that.
I was really sad and disappointed. I never forgot her birthday, our anniversary or some other important dates. I knew how much these things meant to her, and I couldn't allow myself to hurt her by, for example, forgetting the date we got married.
Also, she always prepared some little surprises when I came home from work.
For example, once she put a hundred sticky notes around the house on which she wrote the reasons why she loves me.
13. Phone calls and texts have become very rare
Before I was on a business trip, she would check on me constantly and I would get tons of texts and calls from her telling me how much I missed her and that she couldn't wait to get back home.
Now he just asks how long I'll be on the trip and that's it. I really miss her texts because any text would make my day.
14. Closed body language
I have always been aware of the fact that in order to have a successful relationship with someone, you have to learn to read their body language. I could always tell when she was angry, upset, sad, disappointed or happy by her body movements.
I can't read them now because her body language is completely closed. It's just another way she won't let me get close to her.
15. He decides to work overtime more often
At first I thought he wanted to advance his career. But as she progressed, she started coming home late. I spent a lot of time trying to accept it, but now I'm sure she decided to work overtime instead of coming home and being with me all evening.
I know her job. I know how things work there. So I think it's a very good opportunity for him to run away from home and avoid me.
16. I learned a few things that made me question her loyalty
He's always on the phone. I know it's wrong, but I just had a feeling that maybe that little box was the reason she got so far away. So, one day while she was making us dinner, I went through her phone. I didn't want to read her messages with her friends; i just wanted to check if there was anyone new in her life. I found some compromising messages from one of her colleagues.
I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I really think there is something going on between them. I'm still afraid to face her because I know that if she falls in love with this man, then we definitely can't save our somewhat unhappy marriage.
17. My gut tells me something is wrong
Do you know that feeling when that inner voice just tells you that something is not right? Well, I can't shake this feeling and I'm absolutely sure that this voice is telling me the truth. I know my wife. I know she has changed. Although I can't find the reasons for this, her behavior towards me has definitely changed. I just hope her feelings are still the same as before.
She is still my best friend, my partner in crime, my lover and my everything. I still hope this is just a phase and we can fight together and save our marriage.
I will never give up on our marriage because I truly love her and appreciate everything we have accomplished together over the years. When it comes to true love, you should never stop or give up.
There are so many possible reasons why the spark has gone out of your relationship. Menopause, children, self-esteem issues are just some of the possible reasons. Another thing you should know is that all married couples face challenges and problems.
If your bond is strong and if your love is true, then there is no obstacle that you cannot overcome together. Always remember, true love always shows through the little things, because these things are the most important to every woman. On the other hand, if you realize that your wife has stopped loving you and is cheating on you with someone else, even if you love her very much, you must muster the strength to let her go.
Let go of your marriage because there is no point in trying to save a broken relationship if the other party is not willing to cooperate. You cannot fix your marriage on your own. Never force anything in life, and especially don't force love.
If you love her, fight for her until your last breath. But if you feel like she has given up on your marriage, it's time for you to do the same.
