If the thought "I'm going to change him" sounds familiar, it's possible that you're trying to educate or re-educate your partner. Because you feel that your partner is not mature enough, you want and try to be the person in the relationship who will change him. In this article, we reveal 3 warning signs that show unhealthy dynamics in a relationship.
In this article, we reveal 3 warning signs that show unhealthy dynamics in the relationship and your need to control your partner.
1. You think it should be done differently
If you feel that your partner, as he is, "not good enough”, that means you are trying to change it in the wrong way. You probably have various objections to his decision-making style and many ideas on how he could be more effective. If you are constantly disappointed over your partner and want him to behave, talk, allocate time and energy differently, and constantly try to guide, teach, control or "fix" him, these are sure signs that you are trying to change your partner.
2. You don't feel safe when he doesn't do things the way you think he should
In a healthy relationship, it's perfectly normal to have separate parts of your life and separate friends. But if you can't accept being your partner choosing different friends like you or makes different decisions than you, you are probably trying to control him too much. If you need your partner to do things a certain way in order to feel safe and happy, this is a sign that you are too dependent on them.
3. You feel like he can't do it without you
If you are the person who thinks that your partner can't function without you, and you also don't like anything he does, this is a sign that you want to take complete control, which he will also start to rely on.
What to do
We all enter a relationship with a certain set of beliefs, attitudes, perspectives, and values that come from our own experiences and upbringing. If you find yourself prone to falling into the scheme of "bringing up" partners, think a little about why you are doing it. If you've realized that you still love this person and want to make the relationship work, keep reminding yourself that the only thing you really have control over is yourself. No amount of your well-intentioned effort can change someone who hasn't previously said what and how they want to change about themselves.
Be a collaborator, not a consultant
If your partner agrees, go to marriage counseling together. Sometimes you can fall into a trap and you think the problem is your partner, or you think the problem is you. A therapist can help you identify problems that can be solved by working together.
