"A lie is like a snowball; the further we push it, the bigger it gets." - Martin Luther
Discovering that your partner is cheating on you can be one of the most devastating moments of your life. Finding out that life with him is a lie is a shocking event for a woman. Deciphering the truth from the lies and spotting all the signs you missed makes you feel stupid. You have the feeling that the "other woman" is something better, something incredible, that he is definitely in love with her...
But before you jump to conclusions, you need to get some facts about who this person, the “other woman”, really is. It's not as perfect as you think.
1. She is amazing
It won't hold. This woman's moral compass is not exactly pointing in the right direction if she is intimately involved with a married man. Even worse, with the one with the family. This shows a very selfish attitude. There is no way you can get past her particular brand of selfishness.
You have to realize that although you have some responsibility for the failure of your relationship, you are nothing like this woman. You may not have met your husband's needs, but you are not someone who would steal from someone what is theirs.
So why are you putting someone like her on an invisible pedestal? Even if she had no idea who you were, there is still the question of what is morally right and morally wrong. She's not four years old and she's not stealing cookies from the box. He is trying to steal another woman's husband, her life and destroy her family. Something she probably wouldn't tolerate or accept herself if your roles were reversed.
Such a woman would confess her innocence by saying: "If it wasn't me, it would be someone else." This level of selfishness is unparalleled. Not only is she bordering on narcissistic disorder, but she doesn't care about other people.
2. He is in love with her
No, he's not in love, he's on hormones. An affair is often compared to drug addiction. The partner is so full of many chemicals that do not allow him to think clearly. The mystery and fantasy of this relationship creates a perfect storm of illusion and fiction.
She's no better than you, he just sees her through the fog. What attracts him is not that she is better than you in any way, but that he depends on her. It is like an addiction to drugs, alcohol. After being separated from her for a while, he will begin to think more clearly and will not feel such an intense need for her.
What he saw in her during the affair was fueled by hormones. And when those hormones calm down, he sees the real person. And he will begin to return to earth, to hard ground. Most likely, he will begin to see her faults that he previously ignored.
3. They are more of a match, there must be something special
When your partner decided to cheat, it was probably because some or most of their needs weren't being met. The daily routine of life can be destructive to any relationship. Especially if they become roommates and parents and forget to be lovers.
The other woman is not more attractive or better in bed, she simply fulfilled a need that you did not. She only gave him exactly what you gave him in the early days of your relationship. Most likely, she admires him, and he feels masculine and sexy, accepted and desired. It's not her that he really wants, but the need and longing for admiration and respect.
He is easy prey if he doesn't get any of that at home. If he feels like he can't make you happy anymore, he'll find someone who can. You notice that he behaves and behaves differently, and it makes you even more unhappy.
You can fight by simply living in the moment and trying to genuinely enjoy your husband and your life. There is nothing magical or sensational about it, it just makes him feel special. If you use the same principles, you can very easily turn everything around and save your marriage.
4. They are soul mates (she says so)
The good news is that while you may have a lot of work to do to rebuild your relationship, any relationship you might have with her doesn't really have a future. Statistics show that most husbands never leave their wives. But in rare cases when a husband does leave his wife for another woman, the relationship between them is doomed to failure.
Something that starts out as a scam has very little chance of survival. Another woman can say that they have "spiritual" and "mental" connection, but it's all based on chemicals and hormones.
It's simply a fantasy. This relationship is based on lies, deception and hidden agendas. This is not a soul mate or true love bond, it is a bond created in deception. It was the secret and the need to conceal that created the attachment. And once that comes to light, the fervor will begin to fade.
5. She thinks she's better than you
Believe it or not, she is jealous of you. You know your husband better than anyone, in a way that she never will. You share a history with him, maybe even children, and this creates an unshakable bond that binds you together for life (or at least as long as your children are around).
While you're thinking that she must be an amazing woman to have managed to snag your man, she's been watching you the whole time, wondering why she couldn't just steal him from you completely and break your connection. Why didn't he leave you? No doubt it bothers her. If she was trying to get your husband to leave you, she was trying to turn him against you by talking bad about you so that you don't value him the way she does.
She sees in you an evil woman who is holding her back from her happy ending. He knows deep down that he loved you and probably still does. You still share your life with him, your bed, your children, and she knows that her role can end quickly.
Crazy with jealousy. Although he has no respect for the institution of marriage, he is well aware of its validity. Her relationship with him constantly rests on an extremely fragile and crumbling foundation and threatens to end at any moment. She worries. Especially now that you know about the scam and he is still with you.
You may feel like you are falling apart inside, but take solace in the fact that you are a good and decent person. You are a better woman and you are stronger than you think. Although your marriage may be in crisis, you have a real opportunity to fix it and build a new foundation.
The fact that your husband is only yours again does not mean that you are showing him why another woman is wrong for him, but that you are the right one for him.
