He doesn't love me anymore? Is he cheating on me?
When you get that weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn't as it should be, trust your intuition. Research show that intuition rarely fails, so it can help you make better life decisions. But be prepared that you may not even want to know the truth. So before you go on a hunt to find a cheating partner, ask yourself frankly: "Am I ready to learn something that might change my life?"
People who cheat—especially those who cheat often—have perfected techniques that help them hide their secrets. One of the most common is "gaslighting", a tactic of psychological manipulation (discrediting, lies, denial, deception). The person tries to systematically plant the seed of doubt in the victim about her perception of reality, about the correctness of her memory, about her sensory perceptions, ideas and about her common sense. Victims describe it as feeling like they are no longer sure if they are thinking and doing the right thing, they feel like they are going crazy.
If you've noticed some warning signs that your partner might be cheating on you, you might want to confirm your suspicions before confronting them.
Experts have given their opinions on ways to catch a cheater or just make sure nothing is going on behind your back. Of course, try to talk first, sometimes you can come to an answer through an honest conversation.
Gather evidence slowly and systematically
"The only way to confirm suspicions is to gather information,” says the psychologist and couples therapist dr. Lonnie Barbach. "Keep a journal. Simply relying on memory is not the smartest thing to do, so keep track of things, keep records like bills, ATM withdrawals and mileage.” When emotions are present, your memory is even less reliable, so the best way is to gather as much evidence as possible and face it.
Go where he doesn't expect you
One of the easiest ways to catch someone in the act, whether it's sex or even just a phone call/text, is to show up where they least expect you. "You can surprise your partner at work or at a bar where he's having a man's night. Maybe at the gym or wherever he spends several hours a day without you. Prepare an excuse for why you showed up in a certain place. Do this a few times to check that it is actually where it says it will be,” says the psychologist.
Change your plans unannounced
People relax when they feel that the person they are cheating on is not around. "Tell your partner you're going to be late, then get home on time," the psychologist suggests. "Or say you're going somewhere else, then cancel at the last minute." All these perfectly innocent actions could lead to finding out if your partner has some other plans in mind because he thought you wouldn't be there.
Feel free to ask him questions
Instead of wildly accusing him in stressful moments, calmly ask him questions that will help you put together the pieces of the puzzle that may not fit together. "Don't accuse, rather ask questions," says Barbachova. "Presume innocence, but know the facts." Collect evidence the same way investigators do - you need to get his story straight before you can determine whether your partner is guilty.
Be careful when snooping
"Don't dig too deep," says the dating expert Sameera Sullivan.."Promise yourself that you will only look at messages, email or photos, but definitely not everything. Are there a lot of unsaved numbers or mysterious initials instead of full names? These could be signs.”
He also suggests using a friend's profile to find your partner's profile, say on Facebook. Check to see if you notice anything that you don't see from your profile. Also check your bank statements, there may be some unusual deductions, such as a gift you don't know about or bills from restaurants you've never been to.
You pursue him, but only as a last resort
Don't use this tactic until you see a very clear pattern of signs and gather a lot of other evidence - or you risk looking crazy. "Maybe we could follow him" he says Sameera Sullivan. "While this may seem extreme, there is no better way than to catch them in a lie." If you can discreetly follow your partner for a short period of time, you can confirm your suspicions.
Consider hiring a private investigator
If all else fails and you still doubt his loyalty, hire a professional. "Don't take your own investigation below the bounds of reason," says psychologist Barbachova. “This can be dangerous and can easily backfire on you or even lead to stalking charges. Plus, it's much more traumatic to see infidelity yourself than to pay someone to figure it out for you.” Think about it, you pay many people to do a ton of other things for you, from beauty treatments to food delivery to a safe ride home, let them do this too.
