Words that are supposed to comfort you awaken even more pain and uncertainty in you.
Maybe you wanted to ease someone's discomfort or pain, but your "positive" words had a completely different effect on them.
What are the phrases that fall under toxic positivity?
1. "Everything will be fine in the end."
Maybe things will really be better tomorrow, but that doesn't change the fact that they are suffering NOW! People who suffer cannot skip steps. They can't just get to that part where they are instantly healed and everything is sunny. They have to go through the pain first. They have to face her first.
2. "Others fare much worse."
Don't tell someone who is suffering that it could be worse. Of course, it could be worse. It could always be worse. But that doesn't change the fact that they are upset. Pain is not a competition. They don't have to go through something you find unbearable to earn the right to cry. If they're sad, they're sad. Their feelings are valid. Don't make them feel guilty, they're already upset enough.
3. "You have to stay positive."
When you say just that to someone who is suffering, it sounds like telling them to shut up. It sounds like you're telling him you don't want to hear anything about his problems. It sounds like you're telling him that you don't want to be bothered, that you don't want to deal with his pain. Most people try their best to stay positive. Therefore, if they have reached a point where they are in need, they should not be forced to think differently.
4. "Someday you'll laugh about it."
Pain is usually no laughing matter. Think about it. If you look back now on the problems you had and think you were stupid then, it doesn't change the fact that you were in pain. You suffered. We might joke about it now, but it wasn't funny then.
5. "You will learn a lot from this."
Yes, someone may be able to learn how to cultivate self-love or how to learn lessons from the bad things that have happened to them. But the same lesson could be learned in a million other ways. They did not have to go through pain to make this discovery. Pain was not necessary for their growth.
6. "Don't worry about it."
People cannot turn off their thoughts like you can turn off a light. They can't rush things. They have to deal with it and try to solve any issues that arise. They can't just push the pain to the back of their mind and pretend everything is fine just to make it more comfortable for you.
7. "You've been through worse."
While it's never a bad thing to remind someone how strong they are, you probably don't want to bring up their bad memories. There is no need to cause you more pain.
8. "Everything happens for a reason."
This is not as comforting as most people assume. Sometimes it actually borders on insulting. This is the last thing someone wants to hear when they are suffering. Even if you're right, and something happened for a reason, they don't care now.
