Is she asking for respect or is she trying to control you? That's the difference!

Does he want to adjust your actions to his/her will? He may do something more subtle, such as commenting on your choice of clothing, or speaking negatively to your friends and family about things he/she doesn't like about you.

Sound familiar? Some of these things may look like advice and concern, but often they are not so well-intentioned. There is a difference between someone showing you respect and wanting to control you.

Respect does not compromise your personal freedom. Control, however, wants to limit it.

Respect says: "I understand that our views differ, I don't agree with your decision, that's why you feel differently, but it's your choice." Control says: "You can't do it because it's not good for you, you have to do it my way."

However, there are many different views on this topic. For example, partners may have different ideas about what it means to show respect. One partner may perceive a lack of praise as a sign of disrespect, while another may find it strange that anyone needs such confirmation at all.

This is why understanding is so important. You must first understand what respect means to the other person, and then find a way to enforce that in the relationship.

Here are some of the most common behavior patterns that indicate control and that can be disguised as concern or requests for respect.

Isolation from other people in your life

So from your friends and family. They may do it subtly and show it to you as if they are concerned about their influence on you. But in reality, doing so will deprive you of support that is not theirs. It is easier to control a person who has no one to go to or trust.

Conditions

Conditioning is another way of controlling a person: "I would love you even more if you did this and that." Guilt can be easily used, especially in the way that they do something very extraordinary and wonderful for you, and then accuse you of being ungrateful and selfish if you don't agree to do something they ask of you.

Constant criticism

Unfortunately, many people don't realize how toxic this behavior is, especially because it starts out as "helping" you to be a better person or something. If you are constantly criticized for everything you do, that is abuse. People with low self-esteem are especially prone to believing that there is something wrong with them when they are just being who they are. This can leave a lot of emotional scars on a person.

Any threats

There is no room for threats in healthy relationships. From threats that you will be deprived of something basic, to threats that you will be left without a home or children and the like.

Snooping and jealousy

It shows a lack of trust and violates the other person's personal boundaries.

Arguing and mocking

If your partner is ashamed or mocks you because of your opinions and views, for example on a religious, cultural or political matter, this is not normal. It's okay to talk and disagree, but it's not okay to be bullied just because you have different views.

In general, it is relatively easy to identify controlling behavior based on how you feel when someone does or says something. You should never ignore your feelings. There should always be a sense of peace and contentment behind everything, even if you disagree with something.

If you constantly feel scared, hurt, or embarrassed, something needs to change. You need to learn to set boundaries and communicate them to your partner.

Respect is essential to any relationship, so it's important to talk about it clearly and openly, as well as about behavior that makes you uncomfortable.