There are countless tips, quotes that teach you to let go of anger, finally forgive and let things go. But between the decision to forgive and the actual feeling of peace, there is a larger gap that at first glance seems insurmountable.
Forgiveness feels like betraying yourself. You don't want to give up the fight for justice, anger burns inside you, which drains all the toxicity you have. You're aware of it, but you just can't let things go. Anger is so inextricably linked to my heart, to your thoughts.
But what exactly is anger? It is an instrumental emotion. You stay angry because you want justice. Because you think it's useful. Because you assume that as anger increases, several changes occurred. Anger doesn't realize that the past is in the past and the damage is already done. He quietly whispers to you that he will revenge made amends and you are on your way to justice.
Except that this right is not always realistic. Staying angry is like constantly scratching a scab off a wound because you believe that by leaving the wound open you will avoid scarring. It's like believing that the person who hurt you will one day sew up the wound with incredible precision and you will forget for all eternity that you once bled in that place. The truth about anger is that it is nothing more than a refusal to heal from disappointment because you are afraid. Because you fear who you will be the day the wound is healed and you will live in your new, unfamiliar skin. You want your old skin back. And so anger whispers to you that it is you better keep bleeding.
When you're seething with rage, forgiveness seems impossible. You want to be ready for it, because your mind knows it is the healthiest choice. You want the peace that forgiveness brings. You want relaxation. You want the madness in your brain to calm down, but still can't find a way to get there.
Why? Because no one tells you that forgiveness won't fix anything. It is not a magic eraser that will erase the pain you are experiencing and have been experiencing until now. It won't give you instant peace. The search for peace is a long and difficult battle. Forgiveness is what keeps you from failing along the way.
Forgiveness means that you have given up hope for a different past. It means realizing that the past is over. It is acceptance, yes there is no magic solution to the damage caused. It is the realization that you must live in a city of ruins forever. And no amount of anger will reconstruct this place, you have to do it yourself.
Forgiveness means accepting responsibility – not to cause destruction, but to clean up after it. It is a decision that it is restoring one's own peace is worth more than destroying someone else's peace.
Forgiveness does not mean that you have to settle with the one who hurt you. It doesn't mean you befriend him, you sympathize with him. It just means accept the fact that this person left a mark on you. And that this is your burden today. It means you are no longer waiting for the person who broke your heart to put it back together. It's a decision, yes you will take care of your own wounds, no matter what the scars will be. It is a decision to go with the latter you move forward.
Forgiveness is not about letting injustice sit on the throne. It's about creating your own rights, your own karma and destiny. It is an opportunity to get back on your feet and decide not to spend the rest of your life mourning an unfortunate event. It means yes you bravely step into the future, with all the scars and mercilessness incurred along the way. Forgiveness means yes you won't let the past define you today.
Forgiveness doesn't mean you're willing to give up your power. Letting go means you're finally ready to take the power back into your hands!
