From a man's point of view: how important is sex in a relationship?

Kenedy Singer, clinical psychologist, discovers what happens to a relationship in which sex is no longer a priority, and how important it is to a healthy relationship.

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To summarize quickly: men often choose a woman based on her looks and only then fall in love, while women choose a man based on how they feel about him. I know this is completely generalized, but I hope you get my point.

I despised my wife because we weren't intimate

I am divorced, my ex is a beautiful woman who I still love very much. However, we had many challenges in our marriage. One of the byproducts of all of this (although some may argue that it's actually the cause) is that we stopped having sex. It had a pretty bad effect on me. I often felt disappointed and despised my ex-wife because we weren't intimate. Sexuality is a deep and powerful form of intimacy that connects two people in a completely unique way.

It is a deep connection - when two people love each other, there is a deep energetic connection between them. This does not mean that sexuality is a magic elixir for everything that does not work in a relationship. But it definitely brings the partner together. When you lie down in bed after a hard day and surrender to sex, feelings of closeness and comfort appear.

Sometimes you have to change your approach: first sexuality and then intimacy!

Many women cannot have sex if they do not feel connected to their partner. Of course, this should be taken into account, but I advise women to sometimes change their approach. I advise them to agree to have sex sometimes, even though they may not adore their partner at the time, because that's exactly how a new dynamic can begin. If they respect their partner, sexuality will contribute to intimacy.

My ex-wife and I often felt a distance and we didn't try hard enough to overcome it. That's what drove us apart in the end. It could be different. Many professionals approach relationship challenges with a failure model. According to this model, they analyze what is not working in this relationship and look for solutions to turn these shortcomings into advantages.

It is better to lay a solid foundation than to fix things later

Makes sense, right? If something is broken, it is fixed. What this approach does not address is the primary thing, and that is the foundation of the relationship. Relationship expert John Gottman has researched what makes a relationship successful. He does not recommend that things be fixed, but that a solid foundation be created and that partners understand each other's needs.

For example, when a man comes home from work and wants to be alone, a woman should not take it personally (as if he is avoiding her). And when a woman talks, a man should listen carefully and not offer solutions, because she really just wants to talk. When things are set this way, everything becomes easier, small and big, because there is no anger over unresolved issues from the past.

For a healthy relationship filled with intimacy, partners need to talk, have fun, because this is how they connect and all this is actually part of the foreplay for a fantastic sexual relationship. If necessary, read self-help literature or see a marriage therapist.