There was a breakup and your relationship ended. A relationship we call a relationship. But the relationship they developed still exists. You need time for it to disappear, to evaporate, to leave you alone.
You are faced with the painful realization of lack. You miss the person who once meant the world to you. You miss a part of you, you miss what you were around her. You miss touch, physical presence and tenderness, small gestures that express intimacy and connection.
You are left alone and there is no one to hold you, touched you the way you like it. And it wouldn't help if there was someone else touching you right now, because it wouldn't be the touch of the person you were used to. It's not a touch you miss. It's not a feeling you know.
The cold touches you without feeling it. You miss the feeling of security. The events of your life together are shown before your eyes and in your mind, but not that of the last period of arguments and even more painful silence. Not those who foretold the end and impending sorrow.
But those from the period when everything was beautiful, when your love seemed to feed itself. And they understand each other at every moment and are synchronized in their movements, looks, and thoughts.
Wondering how something that was so good, so strong, so right could end? And you realize that this is something you will never experience with her again. You can't imagine someone in her place.
You imagine how it could be. And you know that these thoughts are tormenting you for nothing, because if it were the way you want it to be, it would be - and it isn't.
They are no longer whatever they were, you wonder if they were anything at all. Were they simply nothing, two people who accidentally met!
But you're still wondering if you've done everything. Maybe you haven't explored all the possibilities, you haven't gone beyond the ego... And then you see a picture in your mind of a smile and a hug. You feel pain. You feel like you're constantly losing something, like the wound will never heal, and the pain will never go away.
You need that person to make you feel whole. You even miss the pain. Small betrayals, manipulated expectations, insults. The feeling that you are still close and that you belong to each other, which is not true. They are nothing. They don't exist.
You miss being able to be who you were. And now you have to be someone else, survive this lack, get over this pain, pull yourself together, increase your confidence and heal your heart.
Even if you feel like they were nothing, it's totally okay, there's nothing wrong if you need to get over it. Everything takes its time!
