I hate to admit it, but I still think about you. I still think about how we met on our first date.
I still think about your smile and deep down I get jealous when I think of you showing it to someone else. Maybe that woman you were talking about, but we both know she's just a replacement until someone more interesting comes along.
The boredom on your face was real. I wonder if you'll ever settle down with someone even if they don't meet the long list of requirements you once had.
I still think about what could have been if I wasn't allergic to risk. If only you could overcome the feeling of fear you've been fighting all your life. If only it didn't exist as part of the vocabulary.
I still think of you every time I meet someone new. I wish it was you. I look for your look in their eyes, your voice, but it never happens. You are you and no matter how much I look for you in other people. There's nobody like you.
I'm still thinking of ways to forget you. Maybe I need to fall in love with a man whose last name I can't pronounce, whose language I will never fully understand.
I still think about how sad it would be if one day I found myself having to fight for you. I would have to fight against myself and my intuition, which would tell me to run away from you as soon as possible.
I think about your laugh and the way you looked at me and how vulnerable I felt with you. You ruled my mind. You were so sad, hurt deep inside.
I want to hug you and tell you that I understand why you acted the way you did. You tried to protect yourself because you were devastated. I was too and maybe I still am.
In my mind you are something we will never be. You will never come looking for me, in the rain, with sunflowers in one hand and an umbrella in the other. You will never admit that you could love me. Although I felt love in looks, touches, happiness. I could go with you.
Wherever you are, you're still unreal to me, at least until the next time we meet, when I won't want you to let me out of your arms. Know that I'm thinking of you.
