This is a question that is being asked by countless people around the world. Your mind has a thousand reasons why this person is bad for you, why it won't work out, all the danger alarms are on - run! But for some unknown reason, her heart wants him badly, badly. So your head chooses the safer option, your heart wants to take the risk.
Why is this happening to us? How can you be so divided in your body? Well, let us at least comfort you a little. It exists some explanations for this phenomenon, which we all face sooner or later.
So why are we attracted to people who are not good for us, who do not care about us? For the people most likely to hurt us? Is it the adrenaline that gets released when we do something we know we shouldn't?
"People are bad statisticians: we remember those decisions that we didn't make at all because we didn't know what the result would be, but today we guess what might happen. Obviously, we don't remember the possibility of bad outcomes that could follow from a wrong decision," they wrote on Psychology Today.
So let's remember all the things, that made us feel alive. Even if it hurt. So logic does not play a big role in remembering our past experiences.
So it all works kind of like this - instead of people saying: "Oh, I'm glad I escaped the pain that this person I really liked could have caused me!", we are really saying this: “Oh, I miss this person who could hurt me. What could happen? I never took any chances.”, followed by a feeling of sadness. So our brains pulled a short one here. Humans are made to be impulsive, to root for the heart, for things that don't make much sense, for risky life decisions. And we long for them, we remember them.
Another factor in the decision heart vs. mind is our emotional state at the moment we make a decision. Nobel laureate, economist Daniel Kahneman, explains it this way: our fast thinking is much more influenced by our current emotional state than our slow thinking. If risky decisions could benefit us, then because of our bad mood we will miss the opportunity, and when we are in a good mood, we will most likely make the wrong decision. Simply put: listening to the heart, especially if we are under any kind of pressure, is likely to hurt us or cause an unfavorable outcome. According to Kahneman's research, it is best not to make a decision in this case.
So what can you do to make the right decision?
Take your time, to weigh all the things about a person and think about what your life together would be like. This will help you make a decision that will be a mixture of heart and head. It's okay to follow your heart, but it's not the safest on days when you're feeling extremely happy or sad, because you can emotions cloud your judgment and influence your decisions.
Maybe he spends an evening alone with a coolie and paper in hand. Write down the strengths and weaknesses of this person. Write it down on another piece of paper all about your life together. You're going to use your head here. Which is good, but don't neglect the heart! The best decision will be a mixture of both. But what can you do if there are two extremes? Well, the answer is most likely in this case "no". Because being with someone doesn't mean you turn your life into hell. A healthy relationship is HEALTHY. If you can't find a way to combine your lives to make compromises and live in peace, then such a relationship has a very short shelf life.
None of us are perfect at this. But many times you will go through something similar and learned to trust myself, it will be easier. And slowly you will begin to notice that you must not neglect one or the other completely and that both your heart and head serve you.
