"Love means to commit without guarantee, to give oneself in the hope that love will produce love in the loved one. Love is an act of fate and whoever does not believe in it, does not believe in love." – Erich Fromm
Maybe you want to change something in your life and believe that marriage will bring you that change. Perhaps you are looking for shelter from all the changes and believe that the law will give you that shelter. Perhaps you are tired and insecure and believe that marriage will give you a break from uncertainty. And you can't change your mind at the last minute - you've invited guests, bought a wedding dress, ordered food...
If it hasn't happened yet and you're wondering, consider these key signs that some things need to be resolved and finalized before you get married. And that goes for your partner too!
You have (or your partner does) mental health problems, including addiction
Mental health is more at risk today than ever before. Everyone has experienced anxiety, if not depression. Many people simply push the problems aside and do not try to find a way to solve them to make them feel better.
However, if there is any mental health problem, including an addiction problem, mental health treatment and management is a priority, not wedding planning. Marriage will not help you feel more stable and secure. It may trigger even more instability and uncertainty, as marriage itself is a challenge. And it is also difficult enough when people are ready for it and have a stable and trustworthy relationship.
Love does not solve mental problems, professional help is needed. If your partner has problems, you will not be able to solve them with your support and selflessness, rather encourage them to face the problem and seek appropriate help.
Don't make love
If you are not satisfied with yourself and your life, and you are trying to somehow "cut through" this situation and give your life a new direction - with the responsibility of marriage - this is the wrong motive. You will bring your dissatisfaction into the marriage. And your partner's love will not make up for your lack of self-love.
Dissatisfaction is accompanied by low self-esteem and a tendency to tolerate partner behavior that may be toxic and dangerous. If you are sure that no one will love you and that you will be alone if you do not take advantage of this opportunity to get married, then lack of self-love and self-confidence is definitely your problem, which will turn into marital problems, into a lack of trust, respect, support and understanding.
Instead of getting married, turn to yourself and find the causes of your limiting beliefs - find yourself. This will create opportunities for a healthy relationship and a satisfying married life.
You believe that marriage will change your life
Marriage should be a refuge, but you cannot hide in it. Marriage will change the way you live, but it is not an automatic change for the better. It will not fix a relationship that is not built on a solid foundation.
If you had a lot of conflicts and problems in your relationship, they are likely to get worse in marriage rather than diminish. If there is jealousy and mistrust, marriage will not cure them. A wedding ring on one's hand has never made anyone faithful, nor has it changed their character or made them worthy of respect.
You have skipped the phase of coordination and mutual adjustment
If you get married in the first stage of falling in love, the sobriety that will come after marriage will not really help build your relationship. It is much better to first decide to live together or some other form of commitment and extend the dating time to "work through" all the stages of the relationship before you get to the point where you are both sure you want to get married.
You have to go through at least three basic phases – infatuation and lust, then a phase of matching and adjusting to each other until you reach the bonding phase, when you are both calm and satisfied with the commitment of your relationship. Until then, you will spend a lot of time together, you will get to know each other well, and marriage will be a continuation of your commitment and joint life decisions.
If you want to spend your life with someone, there is no reason to rush. It's much better to wait until you're fully prepared to get your marriage off to the best possible start and going.
