For 62 thousand, you get a technological "blitzkrieg" that accelerates faster than you think and drives better than the competition. But beware: this car will tell you to your face that you are actually... redundant as a driver. This is the Tesla Model Y Performance (Juniper) 2026.
Slovenes We pathologically love things that don't work. It's in our blood. We love healthcare, where you wait 435 days for a dentist. We love bureaucracy, where you spend more paper on a simple building permit than on Cankar's entire collected work. And we love cars that have a "soul". Which means that they are serviced every other Tuesday and that you have to know the mechanic Jože personally to reset your check engine light. And then you get into a new Tesla Model Y Performance. The car that is the antithesis of Slovenian folklore – because it simply works.
Mathematics for dummies (and European CEOs)
First, let's clear up the basics, because I know that the average Slovenian politician has a hard time adding 1+1 unless they're told to do so by the PR department. For a price of 61,990 euros (approximately), you get a vehicle - the Tesla Model Y Performance, which has the acceleration of a supercar (3.8 seconds to 100 km/h), the spaciousness of a family minivan, and maintenance costs on par with an electric shaver.
If you compare this to any German “premium” products, where they charge you extra just for the steering wheel and the badge 15 thousand, It's becoming clear that the European auto industry isn't just sleeping. It's in a coma. European manufacturers are "stupid" because they still think they're selling sheet metal while Tesla is selling iPads on steroids.
Goodbye, carriage! The magic of the adaptive chassis
The biggest criticism of the previous Model Y was that it drove like a rickshaw on dirt roads. You could feel every speeding police officer and every euro that DARS didn't invest in road repairs. The new Performance version? That's a different story.
The Tesla Model Y Performance has adaptive suspension. This is the “magic” that uses algorithms to smooth out the ride while keeping the car glued to the road. They finally realized that we are not all racers on the Nürburgring, but mostly drive on roads designed during the time of Maria Theresa. The car drives “wired”, and the steering is precise, although still a bit “digital”.
UX that reads minds (because you clearly don't)
But the real revolution is not in the horses (there are too many for our limitations anyway). The revolution is that the car no longer has a physical gearbox. You don't even have to scroll on the screen if you don't want to. The car knows.
You sit inside, you hit the brakes, and the car knows there's a wall in front of you, so it shifts into reverse. It knows you need to get home. This is a level of user experience (UX) that is science fiction to those of us accustomed to government-run web portals. Combined with the upcoming FSD, which will be operational in Europe sooner or later, this is a vehicle that will drive better than 90 % Slovenian drivers. Which is not a high standard, but still.
Configurator for the lazy: Iron Man and the hook
If you're buying a BMW, you have to take a week off to study the configurator. The M-sport package, the visibility package, the comfort package, the left pinky heating package... With Tesla, it's banally simple. And I like that because I value my time.
My recipe for the ideal configuration: Tesla Model Y Performance
Model Y Performance. * 61,900 euros +
- Ultra Red – costs 2000 euros, but the car looks suspiciously like Iron Man. And if you're going to drive a computer, make it look heroic.
- Towbar. Because we are Slovenians and we always have to take something to the landfill or a trailer to the sea.
That's it. You don't need anything else. No packages, everything is already in there – from heated seats to a sound system that sounds like you have an orchestra in the trunk.
FSD: On January 29th I'm going to Zagreb for the future
That's exactly why the next step is inevitable. On January 29th, I have a date. Not with my wife or business partners, but with fate. I'm heading to Zagreb, where I'll test the famous FSD (Full Self-Driving) firsthand. And I'm not talking about the car keeping its lane on the highway - my barber already knows that. I'm talking about this car becoming my first real household robot.
Let's face it, our "smart" home assistants have been pretty stupid so far. A robot vacuum cleaner gets stuck on the first cable and cries for help like a scared child. A smart refrigerator is only smart enough to tell me the temperature, but it still doesn't order beer on its own. Tesla with FSD, however, announces something different. It announces a new era where a machine will not just be a tool that I control, but a partner that will do the job for me. If on January 29th, in the Zagreb crowd, it safely and independently gets me through the "rotor" at Remetinec, without me turning a gray hair, then I will officially admit: science fiction is over. My car has become a robot. And it probably drives better than my neighbor.
The problem of sterile perfection
But here we get to the point, to that feeling that left me unusually cold after the test. Tesla Model Y Performance it's too good.
Seriously. It's such a competent, so fast, so smart, and so efficient electric car, to get bored. Perfection is the enemy of drama. And as humans, even if we don't admit it, we are addicted to drama. We like the engine to roar, the transmission to jerk, to fight physics. None of that here. You press the pedal, your internal organs move to the back seat, and you're there. Silence. Efficiency.
This is by far the best car in the world for the money. Period. It is a technological tour de force that shows why in the future there will only be Tesla, the Chinese and the Koreans.
Verdict: If you have 61,990 thousand and you are looking for a car, don't be stupid. Buy it. But I warn you: you won't fall in love with him. You will respect him., admired its technology and enjoyed humiliating Porsches at traffic lights. But love? Love requires mistakes. And this car, unfortunately (or fortunately), has none.
