Love is much simpler when you are young. It seems to be everywhere, and we learn a lot about ourselves in that time. We grow with experience, as do our views, beliefs and standards.
If we don't find someone during this time to grow old with and change in the same direction together, when we get older it will be harder and more complicated. Because the requirements become more complex with maturity and we become much more sensitive and less willing to tolerate what bothers us and adapt to the demands of love.
It's harder to fall in love. And when a relationship fails, getting over it is even harder than falling in love. Why doesn't love become easier as we become smarter, more mature and more independent? That would make sense. But the opposite is happening. The more we are willing to simplify things, the more we strive for essential values and the harder it is to find them.
Chemistry is no longer enough, to help us overcome the shortcomings, toxic aspects of the relationship, shortcomings and stupidity of our partner. The older we are, the pickier we are because our standards are higher. We know what happens when we don't choose and we can no longer agree to it. It is not enough for us that one or two aspects of the relationship work, we want to have everything in sufficient quantities.
What makes love easier in youth, in the time when we cherish ideals, is to believe that love happens, that it overwhelms us, that it comes uninvited, of its own accord. But with age we understand that love is a decision, that we can choose when we will dedicate ourselves to it and know that we will bear all the responsibility for it. That part of this responsibility cannot be attributed to the magical miracle of love, because we know that we create this magic. It is our decision to insist that we belong.
The influence of chemistry, romance, illusory expectations fades and loses its power over us. On the one hand, this is a relief, because we will not succumb so easily to falling in love. On the other hand, clarity and wisdom will not allow us to relax and enter into a relationship that lacks potential and appropriate quality just to avoid being alone.
The more mature we are, the more ready we are for a real, true and deep relationship. And there are fewer and fewer candidates for it, it is not easy to find someone who is on the same level as us. Someone who wants the same thing as us and for whom only reality and truth are good enough. The more we understand the essence of love and our role in it, the harder it will be to find it.
