Ultimatums are one of the most common reasons for breakups. Sometimes they can save a relationship, but sometimes if you don't set it up the right way, they become relationship killers. We present to you a selection of ultimates that are destructive and those that are useful!
I would define healthy ultimates as some kind of compromises that couples make in order to maintain a healthy and successful relationship. As long as they are realistic and healthy, they will not threaten the relationship. However, if you use them to control your partner or use them to force him to do something he does not want, they will not have a positive effect.
Some ultimatums can improve your relationship
One of the most important pillars of a healthy relationship is mutual understanding. If something your partner is doing bothers you and you think it is harming your relationship, you can resolve it through healthy communication and reach a compromise. But if that doesn't work, you can give them an ultimatum, which they will definitely accept if they truly love you.
But they can be destructive
No matter how much someone loves you, if you give them an unrealistic and unfair ultimatum, they will not get the desired result. No one likes to be controlled. It is toxic and unhealthy. Your relationship will be damaged beyond repair.
A partner who has been given an ultimatum will feel trapped and pressured into doing something they don't want to do. It won't take long for him to realize that the other side is playing with him and end the relationship.
Many people don't even realize that they can have consequences on their mental health. For this reason, we should make compromises in solving mutual issues. Compromises between partners never leave resentment.
Ultimatums play a key role in setting healthy boundaries
The first time you try to influence and change your partner or their actions in this manipulative way, they will know that it is time to set boundaries in your relationship. Clear and healthy boundaries are essential to any healthy relationship.
In addition to the ones you set for yourself in a relationship, you also need to have your own boundaries that prevent other people from manipulating you.
Maintaining a healthy relationship is never an easy task. Therefore, both partners need to create healthy lines of communication with each other that will also help them set healthy boundaries.
5 ultimatums you should never give in a relationship
There are toxic and unacceptable ultimatums that no one should ever accept, no matter how much they love someone.
Here are five examples of things you should never ask your partner for if you love them and want to keep them in your life.
1. Your family or me
You can't ask someone to choose between their family and you. Try to imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed. How would you feel if a loved one asked you to choose between them and your own family?
Family is the most precious thing in every person's life. No matter how bad your relationship is with your partner's family, and even if you feel like your partner chooses family over you, you should never ask them to forget their family to keep you alive.
2. Choosing between friends and your relationship
This situation is very similar to the previous one. Along with family, friends are one of the good parts of your life. Why would you end a friendship with someone you've been with all your life because of someone you just met.
Does your partner spend too much time with their friends? Do they pay a lot more attention to them than they do? Does it bother you and hurt you? There are so many other (and less harmful) ways you can work this out with your partner. Asking your partner to choose between you and them should be your last resort.
3. Them or your furries
If you give such an ultimatum to a loved one, it will not only hurt their feelings for you, but also make them reconsider your relationship. They will definitely choose their furry friends in the end.
However, if there are any medical reasons why you should not have or be around pets, you should be open and discuss this honestly with your partner and find the best solution together.
4. Your career or me
It's unfair to ask someone to give up their career for you. If you feel that you are being neglected because of your job or career, you need to talk about it and find the best solution together. This is how things work in healthy relationships.
5. Giving up your values for your loved one
Your values are a huge part of your identity, and if you were to give them up, you would simply be lost. No person should ever give up who they are. When someone loves you, they will accept you for who you are. Which means he will also accept your beliefs and values. They won't try to change you because they fell in love with you precisely because of the difference they saw in you.
Remember, a relationship can end at any time, while you are with yourself forever, and therefore your life should be based on your own values. Never let anyone change them.
5 relationship ultimatums that are actually healthy
The ultimatums below demonstrate why they are often confused with limits. If your partner sees any of these demands as threats and won't accept them, then you have to accept the fact that he probably doesn't really love you.
1. We are either exclusive or we are nothing
If the other party has serious intentions and feelings for the person, they will accept it without even thinking. If someone doesn't want to commit to only you and doesn't want to date you exclusively, then that means you should stop wasting your precious time on that person and move on.
Just because you truly love someone doesn't mean they are your forever person. Don't accept excuses. If someone doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with you, it's only because they want to keep their options open, which again means they don't really love you.
2. If you don't stop talking to your ex, we're done
When entering a new relationship, you need to leave your past where it belongs - in the past. This means that you should no longer see or be in contact with your ex (unless you have children.) Your partner has every right to be angry and ask you to cut off contact with your exes.
3. We will not share bank accounts until we are officially together
This is completely normal, it will save you from many future resentments and arguments. You never know how your relationship might end, and sharing bank accounts can only complicate things if you break up. A good relationship does not mean a joint bank account.
4. If you give me reasons to doubt your loyalty, I will leave you forever
Here's another boundary you need to set because you simply owe it to yourself. Never let anyone make a fool of you. If your partner gives you clear signs that you doubt his fidelity, you should confront him about it immediately.
Don't leave things open. If they continue to give you reasons to doubt them, or if you find out that they have been cheating on you, leave them immediately.
5. The moment you stop respecting me is the moment I leave
The foundation of a healthy and good relationship is respect. It is the core of every successful relationship, because if there is no respect, there is no love. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships.
You should never allow anyone to treat you with disrespect, not your loved one, not your best friend, not any other person in your life.
No one should be in a relationship where they don't feel respected and treated the way they deserve to be treated. If you feel that the other person in your relationship is treating you badly, you have every right to turn your back on them. This person obviously doesn't realize your worth, and if you stayed, that would mean you don't either.
Always remember that everything can be solved with open and honest communication. True love does not need and does not tolerate any manipulation.
