Sometimes you know you've outgrown the relationship you're in. You may recognize that moment when you leave a love that no longer serves your growth and development, that pulls you back, hurts you, or that you no longer find anything in it that would keep you in the relationship.
You can show the cracks that formed in the exact places you ignored while your feelings were strong or while you believed you found something in this relationship that you couldn't have found otherwise. It's never easy to leave.
When you have a good relationship, with a perfectly pleasant and good love of someone who gives you love, you don't want to hurt it. You feel like it's the last thing in the world you'd do. As long as love doesn't hurt, you stay where you are.
No relationship is the same. What is good for one couple is not good for another, and what worked in the previous relationship does not work in this one. However, it helps to know what a good relationship is for you.
Is good love only one in which you do not tolerate any form of abuse, neglect, humiliation? One where you're not upset because you're not really deeply connected to the other person. This in itself is not a sign of a good relationship, it is the only minimum that a good relationship requires.
Is this love better than the previous ones? Does this person treat you better than your ex-partner? Doesn't he use your weaknesses against you, project his insecurities onto you? Is he a little nicer to you and you feel like he might be what you've been looking for?
Just because this relationship is better than the previous ones doesn't mean it's the best relationship for you. He's just different.
You may not have to deal with old problems, but that doesn't mean you have to be with someone whose problems are a little different and more tolerable, less painful.
Is love feeling safe next to someone who you know will try to make you happy no matter what you give them? A relationship where there may be no romance and passion, but there is stability? This is not a relationship in which you can progress and develop, but one in which you develop feelings of guilt for not loving someone who loves you and not being able to love them back. Security cannot replace love.
But what if your relationship has only good qualities and you still feel unhappy and insecure? The truth is, you can outgrow a good love. The one that solves your problems. The one that helped you see yourself from a different perspective, to find a better version of who you are.
We outgrow good love because we want great love, because we are growing in new directions and we need someone who grows with us. You can try to fit into the structure of stability that good love offers. You can pretend you have what you deserve and be happy with it. But you can't stay there, because you have to be honest with yourself and your partner. They both deserve it.
You must continue to grow, but without the partner with whom you experienced good love. That doesn't mean you don't love that partner, a part of you will always love and be grateful to them. It's hard not to love someone who is kind to you and gives you confidence and hope that there is something better than what you know.
But as you begin to understand yourself better and discover deeper truths about yourself, you discover that this is not what you need. Of course you wonder if you are wrong and will you ever find such a good partner again?
If you continue the relationship, first consider why you feel this way. Is it because you are sure that you and this person do not have the same direction of development? You know you have a lot of love inside of you to give but you can't give it to him? Are you afraid to take risks?
Only you can decide, but remember that it's good to outgrow a good love and find the best one. You will thank yourself for having the courage to free yourself and your partner. They both deserve it.
